I just don't get it...!

Salaam... I'm not THAT stressed out but it shows how I slightly feel


Ok so today my mum has said things that have really left me thinking 'what on Earth' :S she doesn't get me.!

As you know I have an older sis and very much of the time I am under her shadow! And this morning we were in the kitchen and my sis done sumin wrong or something and my mum start saying 'youve changed, education is making you like this, and you have too many friends, you dont concentrate on things at home, you need to sit with guests when they come and know how to host' etc... and it sounded like she was generalising her statements to me as well as her.

And there are many things irritable with this.
1. since the holidays started, more than 5 weeks ago, Ive gone out with uni friends once (and my sister was there aswel), and with school friends once. And yesterday one of my mates came over. Now is that too much???? My sister sees her friends and goes to their houses and goes out much more than me. and still I get this? :( what do I have to do?

2. Education- I said education doesnt make you like this, but mum said it has an influence. Ok studying a particular subject will change your behaviour and character? uhh I think it to be unlikely. And I clearly remember my mum comparing me to my sis when I was applying to uni, saying things like 'how come ur sister knew what she wanted to do years ago and you havent decided yet, you should have researched more, you have to get into this uni'... and now we are at 'fault' for going into education???
She wants us to do well but then why say things like this?

3. with the guests, not many people have come down recently but when they have (like the other day and the other week) I've been sitting there aswel with my mum. So again what more can I do?

4. I can somtimes tell that my sis has slightly become a bit lazy and she needs to control her anger more and work on her patience but we can all improve and I am trying so hard with these things, I usually stop the quarrels between siblings and try not to get involved and when things do happen I keep my kwl and just get on with whatever.
But we are not kids, ofcourse we are going to mature and develop our own sense of thinking, and even on the Islamic channels sometimes they speak about how parents, instead of understanding their kids (cos we are brought up in such different cultures), they try and change them to be the way they were. I think my mum does that, she quite often says things like 'when i was your age' 'i learnt to do this like this and that like that' 'we didnt go out' 'we didnt have computers' etc etc. But we do. And we cant change that because that is the way our generation is.

I dont know where she's picking these things from. Usually she gets influenced by some more traditional family friends. ucchhhhh.
It just knocked me down so much! I spend lots of time with the fam, especially with my lil bro and sis, I have much more patience with them and play with them more than my older sis who is usually occupied with video games or watching episodes of this and that. I go out like hardly at all compared to most people. (my school friends went out the other day, theyr going out today and theyr going out sometime next week and I am not going with them). I do sooo much cleaning! And mum knows I'm the only one who actually puts effort in to keep the house tidy.

Ah well... I guess I'll try more ? somehow.

Completeness

Guys are my weakness!
I say it so bluntly because there is no point denying or trying to distance the fact, I know it, Allah knows it so who cares if someone else knows it eh lol... I know my weaknesses and I like other people to tell me if I have any bad characteristics and to criticise me (gently lol) we can't imrpove if we don't know what to imrpove on.
Anyways...bit more to the point of this post-

I use to feel like I'm incomplete; like my deen, my behavior and my personality are lacking something. I felt like..maybe if I have someone (as in, a husband) I'd be complete. That I'd be a whole lot better and that this weakness would then be my strength.
I use to be close to one guy then another guy (not relationship, just friendship but with slight feelings) and I felt like I had that support and 'love' but when there was no guy I felt quite empty and like I just needed a partner. But I'm glad I left guys because that emptyness that was there, it wasnt there to be filled with a guy's love it was there to be filled with love for Allah.

SubhanAllah, as soon as I stood on my own two feet, I really connected with Allah, I turned to Him for everything and talked to Him all the time and tried my best to do everything to make Him happy and my life and my self felt soooo complete I can't even explain. My Deeny-ness increased, my behaviour and personality got moulded into that of a proper Muslimah. My weakness with guys turned into my strength with my Lord. It filled the gaping hole of incompleteness in my heart to a state of overwhelming wholeness.

And it is in this state of completeness that one should go into marriage. That way you are always full of love, and your not leaning on the partner so much that they will snap, and even if things go a bit pear-shaped from time to time, your heart will still feel complete because you will always have Allah with you.
Once we have gained this completeness, marriage will be much easier inshaAllah.

On a different note, as soon as your around 21/22 (for girls) it's like your the bait on the fishing line, parents finding rishta's (potential partners), other parents looking for partners for their sons, all fishing around while hardly any ask us what WE want. Maybe I'm generalising too much but it's what I feel.
I personally think we shouldn't have to wait til a certain age, the Prophet (peace be upon him) encouraged us to marry young. If more people did this, instead of getting influenced by modernism, there would be less illegal sexual relations, less zina, less kids going behind their parents backs and sinning infront of Allah because the need for companionship and intimacy would be fulfilled when it arised.

I feel like parents don't even talk to their kids about marriage as much as they should, in the way that they should. The most my mum has said to me is (to keep it simple) 'your cousin is a nice boy, you should marry him, he will be good in the family'... Obviously no girl from the west is going to want to marry their freshie cousin. I know parents are more wise and stuff but a lot of us teens aren't exactly dumb. We know what to look for in our potential spouse. And those who are more into their religion will sometimes know more than the parents.
For example is it wrong for me to not have a Mendhi? Is it wrong for me to not want to change my name after marriage? Is it wrong for me to want a small marriage in a masjid? I know our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) has told us smaller marriages gain more blessing, and none of his wives had a mendhi did they. All I want is to follow the Qur'an and Sunnah as much as I can, especially when starting a new chapter in my life. But my family seems to think they know better. Especially mum and older sis! They look at me like I'm speaking a loud of nonsense :S

I know I'm going on a bit but it's an interesting topic lol.
When me my sis and mates are talking about marriage, I tell them- marriage should not be our goal, it is just a means of getting closer to Allah. And I tell them I can't wait to get married, not just because I'll have someone there but because I can focus on everything properly, especially religion. All I have to do is keep the guy happy :) lol (easier said than done ofcourse)
But ye, I want to do alot in life and the only way I can is if my husband is someone like-minded so he can help me fufill my dreams as well as succeeding at his own.. inshaAllah... And what is most important is the joining of two complete hearts, supporting each other on the right path.