Asalaamualikum :) I know I have been off the radar for a looonngg time...
just couldnt be bothered tbh
but an update-
sis is engaged and getting married next summer inshaAllah.
Mum just came back out from hospital again, after being there a week.
Uni has started again and I am a busy bee... but
a lot-ish has happened and alhamdulillah I have grown more
I've also recently been evaluating myself almost everyday, sometime I know I think too much. But sometimes we need to. To find ourself and keep our perspective on life the way it should be. Us and Allah.
Although I will learn from my mums mistake and talk more when I'm stressed rather than keeping it in. As she told me the other day 'I use to keep everything inside, I wouldnt even tell my parents anything about what was going wrong in the marriage and how hard it was, I thought I was strong, but I guess I was wrong'- she said this while in hospital the other day. And it woke me up some more, it's amazing how our hearts can grab onto things and re-awaken us again and again. I think I'm strong enough, maybe it's self-illusion.
And right now I am kinda just bit lost again, gathering up the positive thoughts and finding myself again to let the light of Allah into my heart. I feel it's been missing a bit, darkness crept in. But I've learnt a lot about myself, and about life. Still lots more to learn. Lots more.
But regarding Islam, I need to refresh the knowledge I already have and act on as much of it as I can step by step so I don't go back but keep stepping forward.
My mind just feels a bit cloudy right now. I know where I need to go, but the clouds seem to be thick so it's taking me a while. But if you walk to Allah He wil run to you so inshaAllah I will be super duper close to Him soon.