Monday, 6 December 2010

Tackling Pornography Addiction

Salaam!! :D looongg time again!

Just wanted to share a link or two with you to share with EVERYONE!
Brother Zeyad Ramadan had started a campaign to help Muslims with pornography addiciton. Trust me ude be surprised how many people need help with this issue!

As Muslims we need to help our brothers, help the families, imagine how many marriages can be saved by raising awareness of this issue and helping people get help to recover from such addictions.

**Purify Your Gaze 5 week training program registration is now OPEN**
+ bonuses for those who register early!

For more info about the campaign check out :

There are also really interesting videos that have been shared the past couple of weeks. Here they are:

Video #1
The elephant in the masjid:
(Sorry I cant find the link for this but follow any of the other links and inshaAllah you will find it sooner or later)

Video #2
Story of a brother who broke free from his 24year addiciton to pornography!

Video #3
Steps to purifying your gaze:

Video #4

Please do share this content with EVERYONE! Help tackle the issue that so many are suffering from but so many shun away!

P.s. Registraion (+ bonuses) closes on Friday 10th December!

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

Too much clutter!

Salaam... Thankyou for the 'welcome back's :) makes me feel loved lol
I missed you girls!

InshaAllah I will be blogging again, but maybe once a week or so.
Things are soo busy these days! I'm always de-cluttering. I think I do it too much and that wastes time.

But I know de-cluttered space = a de-cluttered mind and a de-cluttered mind = increased productvitity and contentment (because time is being spent sincerely on things that actually matter).
As I said I evaluate myself a lot, maybe that has lead to the need to constantly de-clutter, is it a good thing?
I think so, but not when the de-cluttering takes up my spare time! lol

I go to uni, I am involved with the Islamic Society, I teach at a weekend Islamic school, I do weekly tutoring for a couple of hours and I am part of an online website team. These are my big committments. Then I have learning arabic (which has been neglected) and learning more about Islam (which has slowed down because I am trying to perfect and act on the knowledge alrady gained) and then there's learning about the universe (by watching no more than half an hour of vids on youtube, I do this because its so amazing and I feel like it makes my love for Allah even stronger). And I also paint as a hobby (which I need to make money from inshaAllah, but need more time). And then there's the basics- praying, quran, housework, visiting family, looking after family, looking after myself, assignments, lecture reading, islamic events... PHEW! It sounds like a lot, and feels like a lot more! lol... And I may be taking up another committment soon with an Eid committee... and my room needs to be tidied!! mess just annoys me so much especially if I feel like my head is a mess! lol.

Just needed your advice. Is there things which you think I should not focus on as much? Any way you think I can accomplish a lot and work at my best but still be involved in all of the above?

I need to change my routine a bit, Ive been working on early nights so I shall sleep after this post (just after 11pm).

It's just one of those days where I feel like a mess... had uni then meeting then tutoring then needed to do some uni work but didnt! (just wasted time looking for hoodies online!) anywho... any tips and/or encouragement would be greatly appreciated :)


p.s. I also used some free time today to de-clutter my hotmail inbox! now I only have a few unread messages as opposed to the previous 100+.. atleast something was achieved today lol

Friday, 8 October 2010

Guess whos back

Asalaamualikum :) I know I have been off the radar for a looonngg time...
just couldnt be bothered tbh

but an update-

sis is engaged and getting married next summer inshaAllah.

Mum just came back out from hospital again, after being there a week.

Uni has started again and I am a busy bee... but

a lot-ish has happened and alhamdulillah I have grown more

I've also recently been evaluating myself almost everyday, sometime I know I think too much. But sometimes we need to. To find ourself and keep our perspective on life the way it should be. Us and Allah.
Although I will learn from my mums mistake and talk more when I'm stressed rather than keeping it in. As she told me the other day 'I use to keep everything inside, I wouldnt even tell my parents anything about what was going wrong in the marriage and how hard it was, I thought I was strong, but I guess I was wrong'- she said this while in hospital the other day. And it woke me up some more, it's amazing how our hearts can grab onto things and re-awaken us again and again. I think I'm strong enough, maybe it's self-illusion.
And right now I am kinda just bit lost again, gathering up the positive thoughts and finding myself again to let the light of Allah into my heart. I feel it's been missing a bit, darkness crept in. But I've learnt a lot about myself, and about life. Still lots more to learn. Lots more.
But regarding Islam, I need to refresh the knowledge I already have and act on as much of it as I can step by step so I don't go back but keep stepping forward.

My mind just feels a bit cloudy right now. I know where I need to go, but the clouds seem to be thick so it's taking me a while. But if you walk to Allah He wil run to you so inshaAllah I will be super duper close to Him soon.

Thursday, 5 August 2010

Just natter :)

Asalaamulaikum :D

I know it's been about 2 weeks since I last posted something. A lot has been going on.

Finding myself again, went through such great lifts of emaan ALHAMDULILLAH I've been at such peace.
Mum's in hospital again
And there's been talks about sisters marriage.
As for myself. Give it a few months inshaAllah and I can tell the parents. (Providing my sister's side of things is confirmed and clear and I have my sister's support and a good script ready lol)

Right now I am just sooo looking forward to Ramadan. I'm worried I won't get things done though :( these days time is going scarily fast and as each day passes, evening time approaches and I always ask myself- what have I done today that has been of benefit for my akhirah, and the answers worry me! lol. But even if I am with family, I should make my intentions pure and inshaAllah Allah will reward that, I am always remembering Allah in everything I do though so alhamdulillah I am always aware I need to use time wisely.

Like today, had family around and kids and cousins and grandmother and aunty, so did alot of feeding and dishes and just keeping company (as one of my cousins is disabled) and maybe that was going on for about 5hours, I spoke to my cousin about Islam, make sure she knows the basics, and I remembered the hadith about 'if a person looks after the needs of another then Allah will look after his needs', I think I will remmeber that all the time when doing things for the fam :) makes me feel like my time is spent in a good way...rather than thinking I havent accomplished anything.

I'm kinda tired now. I won't be blogging much from now I don't think. Unless I really have to. I just need to come on before Ramadan once more to remind myself of my Ramadan goals :D

I hope you're all well.

I pray Allah makes you able to reap the full benefits of Ramadan and keeps you strong in emaan throughout the year.


Friday, 23 July 2010

Productive Ramadan

Asalaamulaikum :D

I came across a GREAT initiative!! For Ramadan. I am soooo excited about it and this project that will be going on looks super awesome!

Awesome enough for me to share it with you guys. Please join in, sign up to the mailing list and make your Ramadan veryy Productive!

Don't forget to share on your blogs please and share through facebook, twitter, e-mail etc.
Imagine the reward for helping people to make the most of their Ramadan. Muslims will no longer have a lazy image when Ramadan comes, lets revive the Ummah and bring back the productivity of Islam into our lives

Click this link-


Tuesday, 13 July 2010

Ramadan...It's coming!!!!! ^_^

Salaaammm lovellyyy people. I am alhamdulillah in a very good mood :D

Ramadan is sooo close! I am fasting today, didn't realise it was 1st Sha'ban though when I woke up before Fajr lol. Alhamdulillah it's going ok... I know I need to really take my iron tablets before Ramadan though, so I dont get too weak.

I just wanted to post up my Ramadan goals... Last year I didn't really have any aims but I did finish reading the english translation of the meaning of the Quran and I did learn a few dua's and things but this year, I am aiming HIGH.
A few aims which I hope to achieve this Ramadan:

- Finish the Qur'an (I always attempt this but either just about make it or fall a bit short because of that time... have to work around it and make sure I dont fall behind!)

- Memorize Allah's names (preferably with meaning, I knew them before but then I went down to just knowing the arabic and now even the arabic ones I've forgotten some and just get mixed up)

- Read through the translation of the meaning of the Quran (yup I haven't read through it since last year!)

- Learn Qur'anic arabic. (A shortcourse can be found at- just click on short courses and go on 'English 2007' Ive had a brief skim and it looks ok.)

- Learn daily dua's (for everyday things like changing clothes, leaving the house, when it rains etc. etc.)

- Try and learn as much as I can about the Seerah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad salallahu 'alaihi wa sallam

- Memorize a few surahs (I want to know atleast 25 of the last ones in Juz 30, I know some already, and if I can maybe a bigger one like surah Fajr, Naba, Mulk, Waqiah or something)

- I want to hold an islamic cirlce at my house a few times a week after taraweeh inshaAllah. Always great to remember Allah and be surrounded by angels, especially in Ramadan :)

- And if I can fit this in, I want to learn about the sahabah, even if I know just an overall picture of the ones most commonly mentioned

and yup that's what I aim to accomplish inshaAllah. I'm so excited! And the past couple of days have been rather great because I think I am actually learning to manage my time well. I have a to-do list and write everything big and small on it and now I have less time just sitting around thinking of something to do and more time getting through what needs to be done. And if I do have a moment of doing nothing I feel like 'time is wastinnnng...must find something to do..!' and just pick up an islamic book or something :) it's rather productive. Alhamdulillah.

May Allah help us all to make the most of the blessed month of Ramadan, accept our deeds and make us firm on the Deen. Ameen.

Friday, 9 July 2010

I just don't get it...!

Salaam... I'm not THAT stressed out but it shows how I slightly feel

Ok so today my mum has said things that have really left me thinking 'what on Earth' :S she doesn't get me.!

As you know I have an older sis and very much of the time I am under her shadow! And this morning we were in the kitchen and my sis done sumin wrong or something and my mum start saying 'youve changed, education is making you like this, and you have too many friends, you dont concentrate on things at home, you need to sit with guests when they come and know how to host' etc... and it sounded like she was generalising her statements to me as well as her.

And there are many things irritable with this.
1. since the holidays started, more than 5 weeks ago, Ive gone out with uni friends once (and my sister was there aswel), and with school friends once. And yesterday one of my mates came over. Now is that too much???? My sister sees her friends and goes to their houses and goes out much more than me. and still I get this? :( what do I have to do?

2. Education- I said education doesnt make you like this, but mum said it has an influence. Ok studying a particular subject will change your behaviour and character? uhh I think it to be unlikely. And I clearly remember my mum comparing me to my sis when I was applying to uni, saying things like 'how come ur sister knew what she wanted to do years ago and you havent decided yet, you should have researched more, you have to get into this uni'... and now we are at 'fault' for going into education???
She wants us to do well but then why say things like this?

3. with the guests, not many people have come down recently but when they have (like the other day and the other week) I've been sitting there aswel with my mum. So again what more can I do?

4. I can somtimes tell that my sis has slightly become a bit lazy and she needs to control her anger more and work on her patience but we can all improve and I am trying so hard with these things, I usually stop the quarrels between siblings and try not to get involved and when things do happen I keep my kwl and just get on with whatever.
But we are not kids, ofcourse we are going to mature and develop our own sense of thinking, and even on the Islamic channels sometimes they speak about how parents, instead of understanding their kids (cos we are brought up in such different cultures), they try and change them to be the way they were. I think my mum does that, she quite often says things like 'when i was your age' 'i learnt to do this like this and that like that' 'we didnt go out' 'we didnt have computers' etc etc. But we do. And we cant change that because that is the way our generation is.

I dont know where she's picking these things from. Usually she gets influenced by some more traditional family friends. ucchhhhh.
It just knocked me down so much! I spend lots of time with the fam, especially with my lil bro and sis, I have much more patience with them and play with them more than my older sis who is usually occupied with video games or watching episodes of this and that. I go out like hardly at all compared to most people. (my school friends went out the other day, theyr going out today and theyr going out sometime next week and I am not going with them). I do sooo much cleaning! And mum knows I'm the only one who actually puts effort in to keep the house tidy.

Ah well... I guess I'll try more ? somehow.

Thursday, 1 July 2010


Ok so here I dub the following for the blogger award: (I have to leave it at 5 cos im not much of a blogger I dont really atually follow many.

drum roll...

1. Khadijah at 'for the love of Islam'

2. Amira at 'Reviving the Sunnah'

3. Lebeyee at 'Lebeyee says'

4. LabellaIman at 'Lifes Balance Beam'

5. KAV-Z at 'Insert Title Here'

Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Turning tables

Woop woop! Salaam dudes and dudettes.

I was going to write a post to weigh out the pros and cons of Mr Zahid, but then I thought that would be like exposing his faults, so I decided to leave it, instead I'll just say what you all probably know by now- he seems confused, doesnt know where to put his priorities? too busy? Although his emaan seems really good, he has quite a lot of knowledge mashaAllah he is funny and has good looks and is focused on his goal of helping the Ummah... but ye so I am just letting go of the whole situation
and focusing on deeny matters :) got soooo much to do, read, learn. And especially as Ramadan is cominngggg!!! :D

Oh and yay I have an award for blogging! From my lovely big sis in Islam Is-za Jelass Thankyou :) now I have defo got to raise standard of my blog. I know exactly how (I think lol).
Ok the rules of the award are to say where you see in yourself in 10 years and also pass the award on to 10 other bloggers.

Hmm.... this will take me a while...

In 10 years INSHAALLAH I want to be here or in an Islamic country, with a stable family life with about 2 beautiful children and a very practising Muslim husband from the west. I want to be studying Islam and teaching it to others in my own Islamic school or class sort of thing. Even if it is a just a weekly class with about 30 children. I intend to be living a very simple life, no extravagance or riches just Allah, Islam and my family (ofcourse a small house and food aswel! oh and maybe camel :) ) I want to have my own psychological practice/ clinic (if I have done a phD by then) or work in a place that gives councel and adivce to Muslims and those with mental problems or be a marriage mentor. Whichever way the wind blows. Just something so that I can try and get rid of some distress from peoples lives. I also want to adopt an orphan! Definately.

From now I aim to study Islam with the resources I have, try and get closer to the Qur'an to get closer to Allah and memorise as much of the Qur'an as I can after learning tajweed, I want to learn the arabic language and be an aalima (inshaAllah!)that is something I reallyyyy want to do, and I want to have a little side business of maybe selling some art and donating some of the earnings to charity, I also aim to learn the exercise of Rakha and become an instructor so I can benefit the Muslim women and their health as well as myself. And ofcourse studying in uni to my best so I can be in the job I want inshaAllah
Ok I feel like I dont have enough aims lol maybe I do and more will add on as tim goes but I just need to make sure I find the means to reach these goals and STICK TO THEM! inshaAllah. I feel very motivated now so I will begin doing today what I can.
Keep each other in your du'as :) May Allah give us all success in everything we do, help us to do it for His pleasure and work in His cause, and keep us guided on the straight path. Ameen

Friday, 18 June 2010


Salaam dudes and dudettes... I hope you're all good. I feel rather bored on here, feel like changing the blog design again, but this one looks so neat!

Anyways... Anyone know anyone who is a marriage mentor?

P.s. I gave 'My 1st Prospect' a name- ZAHID. I don't know where it came from but it means devotee, religious or something along them lines. Jst thought I should add an identity lol, although it is not his real name ofcourse.
Oh wait I could have called him Yusuf, I love that name.

My days have not been that busy buuut my mornings up to early afternoon are soo gay!!
wake up- housework- housework-housework- cook- cook- tidy- roti- clear up- ughh its so tedious and repetitive and drains all the enrgy out of me!
Annoys me because people don't put their effort in with the tidying, and things always get so messy again!! and I cant stand mess! really wrecks my mood.

Anywho washing machine is calling me ..yaaay(!) ¬_¬

entertain me dudes I need a reason to blog more lol, where are the fans?


Monday, 14 June 2010

Life on Venus

I know I took a longgg time to get here. But I lost my passport and could not get into the shuttle! (I forgot my username and passowrd and couldn't log on to blogger! lol) Until yesterday when I remembered how to get in. And I am losing the commitement of going through the book and typing things up lol but no I WILL EXPLORE SPACE!
Ok into Venus we go...

First and foremost, the Venusians have different values. They value love <3, communication, beauty and relationships. They give a lot of help and support to each other and they gain a sense of self through their feelings and the quality of their relationships, through sharing and relating they gain fulfillment.

Their world is rather opposite to that of the Martians, whereas Martians love work and technology, Venusians' main concern is living in harmony and cooperation. They do not wear the outfit of competence, rather they wear outfits to express their feelings and may change several times aday because of their changing moods. Rather than achieving succss they feel it is more important to share personal feelings. Ok guys, to understand this about women you need to relate it to the feeling you have when you accomplish a goal or solve a problem.

They are very involved in personal growth and everything that can nurture life, they are very intuitive and a sign of great love is to offer help when another Venusian is in need of it. Offering help to Venusians from Venusians is not seen as offensive because they dont need to prove their competence, and asking for help or needing help is not seen as a sign of weakness.

However when a woman offers advice to a man, he may feel offended because he will think she is doubting him or not trusting his baility to be able to do things by himself and may make him feel incompetent and weak. But when a man offers his advice to her, she likes it because it makes her feel loved and cherished. Offering advice is seen as an act of love and Venusians like to point out things that can be improved because improving things is in their nature and they believe if something is working it can always work better. However on Mars, as everything is solution-orientated, Martians believe if something is working then don't change it- 'Don't fix it unless it is broken'
This Mars motto means that if a woman tries to improve a man, he will feel like she is trying to fix him! = 'am I broken??? I am broken?? :S no I am not so why is she trying to fix me?'

Girls, don't try to fix him, even though our intentions are innocent and loving- we just want to help him grow, he is from another planet so your attempt to help may result in him being humiliated! Think twice.

Martians and Venusians have great attributes, but most of the time they fail to use them correctly with the correct timing and correct approach. Men need to be aware that if a woman is babbling on about her problems and everything from A-Z YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FIX THEM ALL...just listen. She is not solution orientated like a man, so if you offer lots and lots of solutions and yet she still keeps talking about her problems, don't worry, she doesn't necessarily need the solutions, all she needs is your ears! She doesn't need to be fixed and will most likely get better on her own.

And women, unecessary soliciting should be avoided, especially if he has made a mistake. It will make him feel un-loved and controlled. He needs your acceptance more than your adivce to make him learn from his mistakes. e.g.

1- Venusian- 'Oh look what you've done! Why did you do this you should have done this like this and not like that! Next time do this like that and that like this and this wont happen again! I already told you before'= Martian 'what's wrong with you woman! I know what I'm doing, stop nagging me!'

2- Venusian- 'Oh no, you've done it again. Never mind it's fine we can sort it out later, thes things happen'= Martian 'aw I'm sorry dear, next time I know what to do'

A bit extreme examples but you get the picture. Last point-
A woman does appreciate Mr. Fix-it, as long as he doesn't come out when she is upset. And a man does greatly appreciate the suggestions of improvement from a woman but as long as it is requested.

In the next post we will look at what happens when a Martian and Venusian reject the percieved sign of love and care from the other. (Rejecting the advice and rejecting the imrpovement)

Saturday, 5 June 2010

Life on Mars

Hey there :) Ok so I could have typed this post earlier becuase I had already read the 1st couple of chapters!
The 1st chapter gives summaries of the other chapters in the book and basically says that Men and Women clearly have differences, different thoughts, values, behaviours, emotions and different ways of expressing emotions and dealing with situations.
Men expect women to think, communicate and react the way they do and women expect men to feel, communicate and respond the way that women do. This results in conflict. All you have to remember is that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.Be aware of the differences, take time to understand each other so you may respect each other. And don't become demanding, resentful, intolerant and judgemental.
'When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom'

Women always complain that men don't listen, men complain that women are always trying to change them. A women wants empathy, he thinks she wants solutions. A man wants acceptance, but women persist in trying to 'help' them and then the man feels like he is being controlled. We need to understand why men offer solutions and women why women seek to improve.

Lets go meet the Martians!

They value power, competency, efficiency and achievment. Thier sense of self is defined through the ability to achieve results and accomplishment. While women fantasize about romance men fantasize about fast cars and poweful technology. They are pre-occupied with things that help them express power by achieving their goals. Achieving goals is veyr important to them because it shows their competence and makes them feel good about themselves. No one else can achieve for him so they pride themselves in doing things by themselves. If women understand this about Martians they should understand why they resist being corrected or being told what to do. The issue of competence is very important, so if a woman comes along and starts telling the man 'oh do this like this do that like that' and giving unsolicited advice, it's like they are presuming that he can't do it on his own.
Because they handle problems themselves, they don't really talk about their problems unless its an urgency. Asking for help when you can do it yourself is seen as a sign of weakness. However when they do need to ask for advice then it is a sign of wisdom. They will find someone they respect, and the other Martian will then feel honoured, get into his Mr Fix-it suit and offer some gems of advice.

When a women starts talking about her feelings and the problems in her day and every other problem she has, a man thinks 'oh she needs advice' and gets into the Mr Fit-it suit and shows his love and willingness to help by offering advice.
He wants to help, he wants to be useful, be worthy of value and thus worthy of love from her, and hence offers advice. BUT... women just talk and talk, and the poor Martian is bombarded with these problems one after another even when he has offered a solution! If the Venusian is still upset (as women tend to grab every problem once they get started!) he will find it difficult to listen becuase he will think that she keeps talking about the problems because his advice was not good and therefore he thinks 'she's rejecting my advice!' and his Mr Fix-it suit gets stained as he feels he is not able to help. However, all he needs to know is-

just by listening with interest and empathy he can be supportive. She doesn't necessarily require solutions, but rather just someone to listen. Most Martians fail to note that when a Venusian is talking about a problem it is not an invitation to offer a solution.

In the next post we will travel to Venus.

Friday, 28 May 2010

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

I hope you are well. With my last exam dawning, and the holidays peeking over the horizon, I've decided to make use of my time in many ways that can benefit me as well as others, on the internet and inside the home as well as outside in the community.

Everyone must have heard of the book by John Gray: Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus; A Practical Guide For Improving Communication and Getting What You Want In Your Relationship.

If you've read it then thats great, if not then thats not so great :P (I'm in the middle of reading it, but I wil start again from the start instead of jumping thorugh chpaters). Anyways, either way, you can read summaries and important points from the Chapters (and maybe even whole chapters!) on my blog, for the next few weeks. (This week will be slow because of my exam and other work but it will be done)

It will really benefit people. It covers a lot of aspects and really conveys clear messages and tips and advice, a 'much needed book' 'valueable' 'a superb guide' and 'a fascinating book that offers hope and insight into having a whole and healed relationship'
I read a couple of chapters and was really in there! Even put what I read into practice and it works wonders lol.
Until next time folks- Peace out

Watch this space ^_^


Monday, 17 May 2010

Defence of Faith

Asalaamulaikum. Here's the notes on the lecture about how we need to be doing A LOT more than we are doing now, (I alluded to it in comment on a previous post)

You are never too young to achieve, influence and make an impact

The perception that people had about life in the past motivated them and pushed them to do more with the time they had.
Today, we relax, thinking we have many years.

In the past, education didn't follow a standard, time- dependent, education system. The lack of heirachies made people believe that they are not restricted, and why should we be? Now, people believe we can't do certain things until a certain time, we are somewhat conditioned to follow the system and this leads us to limit ourselves. For example, we don't read University books until we are at that age or at that level, but why wait til that age, what is stopping us? this is one of many examples and it has a negative impact on heroism.

Roots of Greatness Come From Within You

If we look at A'isha (radiallahu anha), she learnt to read and write, she learnt medicine, through her own incentive. And look at what a great woman she became, alhamdulillah. Age was not relevant, for any of the sahabah, as long as they could achieve and survive. Their lives were short, they had no standardized cirriculum and this lead to early achievement
Even from this small example we should realize, if we want to do something, just do it. Especially nowadays, we have so many resources available to us but even still we don't make full use of them. No one but ourselves is losing out.

Be Busy

Keep yourself away from distractions and increase responsibility.

Discover your talents, your abilities and be yourself

The Prophet (salallahu 'alaihi wasallam) had a great way of talking to his companions, he would talk to them within their limits, he knew their strengths and encouraged them to fulfill their potential.
For example: Amr Ibn Al-'Aas, who converted to Islam 2 years before the Prophet's death, was asked to lead the battle (Muslim conquest of Egypt) and lead those who had been Muslim all their lives.
He asked who the Prophet loved most, and was told that even though he may not be number one to him, he is number one on the field. He realised his talent. Even if others questioned his position, the Prophet new best.
So even if others are doubtful, don't doubt yourself and do not lower the limits on yourself, everyone has great potential and if you know your potential, use it. Identify and compete, not with others but with yourself and your potential, if you are good then be better. Stick to your own abilities but draw benefits from others. And don't direct your aim to strengthening your weak points but rather spend time working on and building up on your strong points.
But remember talent is not enough, you need things alongisde it such as patience, perseverance, discpiline. With these, you will achieve. InshaAllah.

Be ambitious and set your bar high

(from lecture by Hesham Al-Awadi)

Saturday, 15 May 2010

I can be anywhere do anything and be mindful of God...

Asalaamulaikum :)

I am a very happy chappy today alhamdulillah (well now I am, I'm not sure how I was during the day lol) anywho... I went to see my cousin in hospital, on the way there, when I was walking toward the hospital I saw a brother walking toward me (so the opposite way) I just looked once and tried to restrain myself because ofcourse second look is sinful and he looked religious, islamic clothing, and a beard, (can't be too sure about his religiousness but what is built up inwardly, usually manifests itself outwardly). I passed him and thought...'hmm I need to meet my husband soon lol hope he looks like that'.. na anyways that weren't the point of this post.

You know on the way back from the hospital, I saw alot of things that really made me think and reflect.
I saw this Asian guy, Bengali or Pakistani, walking and holding hands with a non-Muslim.
I'm not sure if he was Muslim but most likely was, can't help to think I'm so blessed to be guided. But it pains me to see the the Muslims doing what they are doing, indulging in the dunya, following their desires and forgetting who they are or what they are here for :( May Allah guide them and guide us. Ameen

And I saw girls, going out for their saturday night partying, clubbing, with their their hair and faces done and walking the streets in their little dresses and skirts, half naked...and the first thing I thought was 'it must be so hard for my brothers'.
Ofcourse its a sin to look at unlawful things, and you have to control your desires, but these people make it soooo hard for you (brothers).. Especially now summer is coming and the littlest bit of sunshine and everyones clothes come off! Astaghfirullah. Its hard to lower the gaze as it is but when people are dressed like that its 100 times harder, like for the sisters, the guys who walk around with no tops on, showing off their arms and their pacs!
Trials are everywhere, we have to be sooo careful and ALWAYS remember Allah is watching, the harder your struggle the greater the blessing. So keep striving for Allah's pleasure and stay away from places where it may make your situations much harder. But brothers, I do feel for you. Why can't these girls have abit of self-respect and modesty. Would make things so much easier for you lot. May Allah give you the strength to stay firm on the deen. Ameen

Last thing I'm going to touch on-
Ok so I was almost home, there were a few men, sorta young, probably drunk, walking down the road, me and mum went past and one of them just shouts 'Oi seexxxy!!' I was thinking 'wut? My mom?' lool joking.. I was so embarrassed, uneasy, I tried to pretend I heard nothing and just quickly got in the house. These people scare me.
Even at the hospital, I was in the day room place with my lil cousin and we had the tv on and a man came in and looked at us, stood there for a while watching the tv and then left. And then he came back and sat down next to me (there were other seats)...And I felt kinda uncomfortable. I know he was just a normal man sitting down but I still felt sort of like 'umm uh oh'..

Hmm... look all around you, doesn't it feel like a prison? The whole world as well as our own areas. Fear and injustice everywhere, so much sin all around us, so hard to be who we are. But I am greatly thankful that I am a Muslim, gives me the peace, and the community makes me feel safe and its a lovely warm feeling, so blessed. Alhamdulillah. :)

I'de like to end with a few lines from this song:

I wont cry over a world that can't change my life I put my money on what lies ahead in paradise

(A land called Paradise: Kareem Salama)

Friday, 7 May 2010


Guys are my weakness!
I say it so bluntly because there is no point denying or trying to distance the fact, I know it, Allah knows it so who cares if someone else knows it eh lol... I know my weaknesses and I like other people to tell me if I have any bad characteristics and to criticise me (gently lol) we can't imrpove if we don't know what to imrpove on.
Anyways...bit more to the point of this post-

I use to feel like I'm incomplete; like my deen, my behavior and my personality are lacking something. I felt like..maybe if I have someone (as in, a husband) I'd be complete. That I'd be a whole lot better and that this weakness would then be my strength.
I use to be close to one guy then another guy (not relationship, just friendship but with slight feelings) and I felt like I had that support and 'love' but when there was no guy I felt quite empty and like I just needed a partner. But I'm glad I left guys because that emptyness that was there, it wasnt there to be filled with a guy's love it was there to be filled with love for Allah.

SubhanAllah, as soon as I stood on my own two feet, I really connected with Allah, I turned to Him for everything and talked to Him all the time and tried my best to do everything to make Him happy and my life and my self felt soooo complete I can't even explain. My Deeny-ness increased, my behaviour and personality got moulded into that of a proper Muslimah. My weakness with guys turned into my strength with my Lord. It filled the gaping hole of incompleteness in my heart to a state of overwhelming wholeness.

And it is in this state of completeness that one should go into marriage. That way you are always full of love, and your not leaning on the partner so much that they will snap, and even if things go a bit pear-shaped from time to time, your heart will still feel complete because you will always have Allah with you.
Once we have gained this completeness, marriage will be much easier inshaAllah.

On a different note, as soon as your around 21/22 (for girls) it's like your the bait on the fishing line, parents finding rishta's (potential partners), other parents looking for partners for their sons, all fishing around while hardly any ask us what WE want. Maybe I'm generalising too much but it's what I feel.
I personally think we shouldn't have to wait til a certain age, the Prophet (peace be upon him) encouraged us to marry young. If more people did this, instead of getting influenced by modernism, there would be less illegal sexual relations, less zina, less kids going behind their parents backs and sinning infront of Allah because the need for companionship and intimacy would be fulfilled when it arised.

I feel like parents don't even talk to their kids about marriage as much as they should, in the way that they should. The most my mum has said to me is (to keep it simple) 'your cousin is a nice boy, you should marry him, he will be good in the family'... Obviously no girl from the west is going to want to marry their freshie cousin. I know parents are more wise and stuff but a lot of us teens aren't exactly dumb. We know what to look for in our potential spouse. And those who are more into their religion will sometimes know more than the parents.
For example is it wrong for me to not have a Mendhi? Is it wrong for me to not want to change my name after marriage? Is it wrong for me to want a small marriage in a masjid? I know our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) has told us smaller marriages gain more blessing, and none of his wives had a mendhi did they. All I want is to follow the Qur'an and Sunnah as much as I can, especially when starting a new chapter in my life. But my family seems to think they know better. Especially mum and older sis! They look at me like I'm speaking a loud of nonsense :S

I know I'm going on a bit but it's an interesting topic lol.
When me my sis and mates are talking about marriage, I tell them- marriage should not be our goal, it is just a means of getting closer to Allah. And I tell them I can't wait to get married, not just because I'll have someone there but because I can focus on everything properly, especially religion. All I have to do is keep the guy happy :) lol (easier said than done ofcourse)
But ye, I want to do alot in life and the only way I can is if my husband is someone like-minded so he can help me fufill my dreams as well as succeeding at his own.. inshaAllah... And what is most important is the joining of two complete hearts, supporting each other on the right path.

Saturday, 1 May 2010

To My Husband

Ok well this post is not to my husband because I do not have one... yet lol

I've decided to write a letter to my husband. Whoever he is, wherever he is.

If I write to him (or pretend I'm writing to him and then give it to him when I'm married, or let him accidentally find it lol) anyway I will feel like he's in my life already and that I'm with him and it will stop me thinking about marriage so much that way and help me focus on what is happening at present in my life, that is important for my future.
I know whoever he is, he is waiting just like I am. And we will be looking for each other and by Allah's will we will find each other. We made a promise to each other before we were born, when we met in heaven. We promised we would be together. I hope to stay single and free of men until I meet him, otherwise I feel I would be cheating him and betraying him. I regret previous relationships and I hope he will not be disheartened and love me never the less.
Because I changed for Allah, and Allah still loves me.
And I will love my husband for the sake of Allah.

He may not be untouched, but I will remain untouched for him.
He may not remember the promise, but I will remind him.
He may not remember me, but I will keep remembering him.

Thursday, 29 April 2010

My Inspiration

Just thought I'de write this up so I can look back at it and keep my inspiration engine revvvving :)
So here's some people who inspire me in different aspects of my life, my thoughts and ambitions, my goals and aspirations.

Malcom X & Muhammad Ali- nuff said :)
Great men, done extremely well throughout their lives in the sense that they gained success in the eyes of the generations to come and their lives hold so many lessons for all of us. How they followed their own stars and didn't trail behind the herd of sheep. How they both found Islam and found true peace despite the difficulties around them. We can learn how our fears of 'what will people think' should NEVER hold us back, we should hold on tight to what we believe, for justice and for truth, no matter how many boulders block our way. The hearts of these men were/ are so pure and so good, only filled with desire for love and brotherhood.

On a different note you have;
Mohammed Ali Aerosol Arabic- You have to check his work out, sooo talented mashaAllah-
His work never fails to amaze me. Shows what you can do if you keep working on your strengths.

Sister Farzana Khundmir- she is the founder of www.TheMuslimCoach.Com. She trained as a Life Coach, in Canada, under Shaykh Muhammad Alshareef, and obtained her degree in Psychology from University College London. She specialises in business coaching, marketing and web design. She has also conducted numerous workshops and webinars. Sister Farzana is passionate about helping sisters uncover their hidden potential.

Sister Fatima Barkatualla
Mother of 3 boys aged 8, 6 and 4...has homeschooled and now has children at school. Has written for various Muslim and non-Muslim publications including emel Magazine, SISTERS Magazine, The Muslim Weekly, The Times newspaper and Times Online. Presenter for the Ask About Islam show on Radio Reality. Has been an Arabic language teacher and is an iERA da'wah course instructor.

Zohra Sarwari
International Speaker, International Author, Home Schooling teacher, and Life and Business Coach- her motto;
"Do Your Best And Let The Creator Take Care Of The Rest"

Its amazing to see how people progress and develop, they not only help themselves in the process but help others, eveyrone starts small but as time goes on things get bigger and better, I haven't failed to notice the efforts put in by regular people in order to achieve their goals, and this really motivates me, take the following for example;

The brothers and sisters behind
Productive Muslim and Productive Muslimah-

And habibi halaqas-

And I'll leave it at that :)

Monday, 26 April 2010

EARLY start!

Asalaamulaikum dudes!
I have finally managed to wake up for fajr and stay awake and do some work! :D

Since a week or so I have been trying to change my routine because I sleep too much (and still feel tired) and I have lots of things to do! I decided to sleep around 11 then wake up for fajr and stay awake then sleep between Zuhr and Asr.
My fajr salah has been missed for a few days because like I said, I sleep too much.
But I know it's not a light matter and I pray Allah keeps giving me the strength to pray it everyday.

I managed to type up my essay this morning, ok that doesn't sound like much but I feel like its a good accomplishment when I say 'I finished my essay' :) alhamdulillah. Oh wait, I'm 5 words over the word limit, my conclusion is a tad bit short and I have not done the references, I hate these little things, I can't be bothered to do them because they take ages but gotta be done I guess.

I feel like a nice cold bowl of coco-pops :)

Exams start in 2 weeks and I have not started memorising my notes! InshaAllah I'll be fine. As will those of you who also have exams, just keep your days productive and don't leave things to the last minute (I think I should take my own advice lol).

Ok as you can probably tell from my unstructured post I don't really have anything of interest to say. I shall be off, to touch up on the essay.

Goodmorning :)

Sunday, 18 April 2010

The Goodly Life

Life is either for a person or against him. Its hours and seconds, days and years pass by him. Leading him (by his actions) to the love and good pleasure of Allah until he is amongst the people of Ultimate Success and the Gardens of Paradise, or they are against him; leading him (by his actions) to the Fires of Hell. And to the anger of The One, The Just Ruler (Allah).

Life, either it will make you laugh & rejoice for an hour, over which you will cry for an eterntity (in the Hereafter). Or it will make you cry for an hour, over which you will laugh and rejoice for an eternity (in the Hereafter). Life is either a great blessing for a person, or an adverse affliction against him. This is a life that was lived by the earliest generations, by our fathers and forefathers, and by all those who preceeded us. All of them returned to Allah with what they use to do (their deeds).
‘Life’ refers to every single moment that is lived within it. And every hour spent within it. And within all of these, we live a life that is either for us or against us. Thus, the successful and happy person is one who sees life and recognizes its reality and true nature. For by Allah, it is a life that frequently causes some people to weep. Their tears never drying. And frequently makes others laugh, their laughs and joys then never to return.
Allah has made this life as a trial, a test, an exam,
in which is made apparent the true nature of His slaves. Thus, happy is the one made successful (in this exam) by the mercy of Allah. While miserable and driven away is the one upon whom the pleasure of Allah becomes forbidden (through this exam). (Know) for every hour that you live, either Allah is pleased with you in this hour (by your deeds) or the opposite, we seek refuge in Allah from that. Therefore, (by this hour) either you come closer to Allah or stray further from Him. Thus it may be, that you live a single moment of love and obedience to Allah by which are forgiven the inequities of your life and a lifetime of sins. And it may be that you live a single moment in which you deviate purposely from the path of Allah, distancing yourself from His obedience, which then becomes a cause of misery & distress for the rest of your life.
We ask Allah for His safety and pardoning.

In this life there exist two separate ‘callers’.
The first is anything that calls to the mercy, the good pleasure and the love of Allah (be they thoughts or actions).
The second type of caller is anything which invites the opposite of that. (Such as) a desire or lust that incites one to evil, or a sudden sinful whim that may result in an evil ending (dying in bad or sinful circumstances).
Thus it may be, that a person, within a moment of his life, weeps, a weeping of regret and repentance over his negligence towards his Lord and by (these tears) Allah changes his evil deeds into good deeds (on his record).
But how many a people continue to commit sins? How many a people still indulge in evil? How many a people continue to distance themselves (from Allah), frequently travelling away from their Lord (by their actions)? Thus all of them are distant from the mercy of Allah, unbeknownst to them, strangers to the good pleasure of Allah. Then comes upon them that hour, that exact moment (of penitence), which is what we are referring to by ‘the goodly life’, in order that they shed tears of regret and remorse, and that a reason for anguish in the heart may be ignited, such that a person realizes how long his alienation from Allah has been, and how long his absence from his Lord truly has been, so that he may then say “Indeed I am turning to my Lord repentant, remorseful and in hope of His mercy and good pleasure!”. This type of penitence is a person’s key to happiness and contentment, the time of regret, it is as the scholars say, “Indeed man sins a great deal, but if he is truly sincere in his regret and repentance, Allah will change his sins into good deeds”.
Thus his life too then becomes pure and goodly, by the purity and truthfulness of that regret and repentance and by the sincerity in the very distress and pain felt within himself.

We ask Allah the Most Great Lord of the Honourable Throne, to give life to this blessed caller to His mercy, within our hearts, and to the pain we should feel when we are neglectful towards Allah and His commands.

Every single one of us needs to ask themselves a question, we need to ask ourselves day and night, how many nights are spent awake in activity? And how many hours (are passed in this way)? How many have laughed in this life? And (most importantly) was Allah pleased with this laughter? How much time was sent in entertainment & enjoyment in this life? Was this enjoyment one that Allah was pleased with? How many nights were spent awake (in activity)? Was this staying awake (and what you did), pleasing to Allah? And so on and so forth, these are questions that he should be asking within himself.
But a person may wonder why he should be asking these questions (i.e. What is the point?) Yes! You must ask yourselves these questions, as passes not the instance of a blinking of an eye, nor a fleeting moment on your life, except that you are living in and experiencing the blessings of Allah! Thus it is from great respect and humility towards Allah that a person remains constantly aware of the greatness of the blessings bestowed upon him. From this humility is to truly feel and acknowledge that the food we eat belongs to, and is provided by, Allah. And that we quench our thirst with a drink created by Allah. And that we are shaded and sheltered by a roof provided by Him. And that we walk forth on a ground provided by Him. And that without doubt we are living in, and experiencing, His every bounty and mercy, so what could we possibly have to offer Him in return? So it’s important a person asks himself these questions.

For example, doctors say there exists in a person’s heart, a substance, that if it was to increase or decrease by 1° he would die instantly. So (think) in which courtesy and kindness, which mercy and compassion from Allah does mankind enjoy, experience and live in! Even if a person asks himself about the mercy of Allah alone, when he wakes up in the morning possessing his hearing and his sight and possessing his physical strength, Who is the one actually safeguarding his hearing? Who is the one safeguarding his sight? Who is the one safeguarding his intellect? Who is the one guarding his very soul? He must ask himself, who is the one protecting all these things? Who is the one who bestowed him with good health and wellbeing? Think of those who are sick, lying on white beds (in hospital), sighing and in pain.
By Allah, through these great blessings Allah conveys His love for us, the great blessings of good health, wellbeing security and safety. All of these are provided purely so we may live a goodly, wholesome life.
Allah, Praised and Exalted is He, desires two things from His slave; the first is that he carry out his obligatory duties (e.g. prayer), and the second, is the abandonment of all Allah has forbidden and held him back from. As for the one who claims the closeness to Allah entails a life of suffering or limitations, then such a person without doubt has erred greatly in how he perceives Allah. For, by Allah, if you do not purify and make good your life by closeness to your Lord you will never be able to do so by way of anything else. And if you do not purify and adorn your life by carrying out your obligatory duties to Him, and abandoning all that He has forbidden, then by Allah you will never be able to do so by way of anything else.
A person may experience every single pleasure life has to offer, but by Allah, he will never experience anything more pleasurable, more beautiful than servitude to Allah, by carrying out his obligations to Him and leaving all that He has forbid him from.

(In life) you are subjected to two choices; whenever you are faced with a matter, you have the choice to do it or not do it. If you decide to go forth and do anything in this life ask yourself, “has Allah permitted you to do this thing or not?” For anything at all you wish to do, since the human being himself is owned by Allah, and the hearts are owned by Allah, and the souls are owned by Allah. Thus, a person should, whenever he wants to do something or hold back from it, ask himself, will Allah be pleased with you (by this action)? If so, then he can proceed. Or will Allah not be pleased by this action? If not then he should hold himself back. For, by Allah, a person does not proceed with an action nor hold back from it, requesting Allah’s mercy (and counsel in the decision) except that he pleases his Lord in the process.Therefore true happiness and a goodly life are only found in closeness to Allah. Closeness to who? To the King of Kings, the Controller of the Heavens and the Earth, to whom belongs the ultimate command, all creation, and the perfect arrangement and measure of all that exists.

Thus you may find that man is always in a state of anxiety and weariness. You may find an individual who has everything he desires. But by Allah, you will find most of those who have all they desire, suffer from mental or psychological problems, from anxiety and depression, most of them are extremely unhappy and dissatisfied with their lives. Go and look for the wealthiest person, you’ll most likely find him to be from the most miserable people in life. Why? Because Allah has made the comfort and ease of the soul to be found in being close to Him, and has placed the key to a pleasurable, amiable life, in a pleasurable, amiable relationship with Him. (If we look at just) one prayer a person performs from the 5 obligatory daily prayers, at the moment of completing his bowing and prostrating and completing his servitude to his Lord, then at leaving the place of prayer, he feels a great sense of ease and peace within himself! By Allah even if he were to spend all the wealth on the Earth in attempt to buy this feeling, he would be unable to seek a way to it.

Thus the goodly life is found only in closeness to Allah. A pleasant, comfortable life will only be found by closeness to Allah.
If a person does not purify and make good his life through this close relationship, then by who (or what) will he?

By Sheikh Muhammad Mukhtar Ash-Shinqitee

Monday, 12 April 2010

10 Ways to Avoid Marrying the Wrong Person

There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone for marriage. The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement and nuance of a budding relationship and in the process completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility. One of the biggest mistakes that many young Muslims make is rushing into marriage without properly and thoroughly getting to know someone. A common myth is that the duration of a courtship is an accurate enough measure of how compatible two people are. The logic follows that the longer you speak with someone, the better you will know them. The problem with that premise is that no consideration is given to how that time is spent. Increasingly, young Muslim couples are engaging in “halal dating,” which is basically socializing with each other in the company of friends and/or family. This includes going out to dinner, watching a movie, playing some sport or other leisure activity, etc. Depending on the family or culture, conversations are either minimal & chaperoned or worse, unrestricted and unsupervised. When you consider these limitations it makes one wonder when exactly, if ever at all, would the critical conversations take place? Unfortunately, for many, the answer is never and they live to suffer the consequences. If you or someone you know is in the “getting to know someone” phase, the following guide offers advice on exactly what to look for and avoid:

1) Do Not Marry Potential: Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change. This is the wrong approach on both accounts. Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential. There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them. These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.

2) Choose Character over Chemistry: While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love” should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love. The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Here’s a breakdown of each trait:

* Humility: The humble person never makes demands of people but rather always does right by them. They put their values and principles above convenience and comfort. They are slow to anger, are modest, and avoid materialism.
* Kindness: The kind person is the quintessential giver. They seek to please and minimize the pain of others. To know if a person is a giver, observe how they treat their family, siblings, and parents. Do they have gratitude towards their parents for all that they’ve done for them? If not, then know that they will never appreciate what you do for them. How do they treat people they don’t have to be kind towards (i.e. waiters, sales associates, employees, etc)? How do they spend their money? How do they deal with anger; their own anger and their reaction to someone else’s anger?
* Responsibility: A responsible person has stability in their finances, relationships, job, and character. You can you rely on this person and trust what they say.
* Happiness: A happy person is content with their portion in life. They feel good about themselves and good about their life. They focus on what they have rather than on what they don’t have. They very rarely complain.

3) Do Not Neglect The Emotional Needs of Your Partner: Both men and women have emotional needs and in order for a partnership to be successful those needs must be mutually met. The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved. The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated. To make a woman feel loved give her the three AAAs: Attention, Affection, & Appreciation. To make a man feel loved give him the three RRRs: Respect, Reassurance, & Relief. It is the obligation of each partner to make sure the other is happy and this extends to intimacy as well. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the intimate relationship will thrive. When a man takes seriously the emotional needs of his wife she will feel more encouraged to fulfill his sexual desires. Likewise, when a woman takes seriously the emotional needs of her husband he will feel more encouraged to give her the affection, love and appreciation she wants from him. Working together in this way encourages both giving and receiving.

4) Avoid Opposing Life Plans: In marriage you can either grow together or grow apart. Sharing a common purpose in life will increase the chance that you will grow together.

* You must know what the person is into. In other words, what are they ultimately passionate about? Then ask yourself, “Do I respect this passion?” “Do I respect what they are into?”
* The more specifically you define yourself, i.e., your values, your beliefs, your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding your life partner, your soul mate, the one you are most compatible with.
* Remember, before you decide who to take along on a trip, you should first figure out your destination.

5) Avoid Pre-Marital Sexual/Physical Activity:

* Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.
* Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them.
* Intellectual commitment must be established before emotional or sexual commitment.

6) Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection: There are four questions that you must answer YES to:

* Do I respect and admire this person? What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
* Do I trust this person? Can I rely on them? Do I trust their judgment? Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
* Do I feel Safe? Do I feel emotionally safe with this person? Can I be vulnerable? Can I be myself? Can I be open? Can I express myself?
* Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?

If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married. If you don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married!

7) Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety: Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage. Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage. When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions. Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship. If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship. Look for the following things:

* Controlling behavior: This includes controlling the way you act, the way you think, the way you dress, the way you wear your hair/hijab and the way you spend your time. Know the difference between suggestions and demands. Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, than you must do it or there will be consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive personalities.

* Anger issues: This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who is angry, gets angry at you, uses anger against you, uses put downs, and curses at you, etc. You don’t have to put up with this type of treatment. Many people who tolerate this behavior usually come from abusive backgrounds. If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away. Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married.

8) Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner: Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset. Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?” It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team. When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team. Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds. How do they handle it? Are they defensive? Do they attack? Do they withdraw? Do they get annoyed? Do they blame you? Do they ignore it? Do they hide or rationalize it? Don’t just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!

9) Beware of Avoiding Personal Responsibility: It’s very important to remember no one else is responsible for your happiness. Many people make the mistake of thinking someone else will fulfill them and make their life better and that’s their reason for getting married. People fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are married. If you are currently not happy with yourself, don’t like yourself, don’t like the direction your life is going now, it’s important to take responsibility for that now and work on improving those areas of your life before considering marriage. Don’t bring these issues into your marriage and hope your partner will fix them.

10) Watch Out For Lack of Emotional Health and Availability In Your Potential Partner: Many people choose partners that are not emotionally healthy or available. One huge problem is when a partner is unable to balance the emotional ties to family members, the marriage ends up having 3 (or more) people in it rather than two. An example of this would be if a man is overly dependent on his mother and brings that relationship into the marriage; this is no doubt a recipe for disaster. Also important to consider are the following:

* Avoid people who are emotionally empty inside. These include people who don’t like themselves because they lack the ability to be emotionally available. They are always preoccupied with their deficiencies, insecurities, and negative thoughts. They are in a perpetual fight with depression, never feel good, are isolated, are critical and judgmental; tend to not have any close friends, and often distrust people or are afraid of them. Another clear indication about them is they always feel their needs are not getting met; they have a sense of entitlement and feel angry when they feel people should take care of them and they don’t. They feel burdened by other people’s needs and feel resentment towards them. These people can not be emotionally available to build healthy relationships.
* Addictions can also limit the level of availability of the partner to build a strong emotional relationship. Never marry an addict. Addictions are not limited to drugs and alcohol. They can be about addictions and dependency on work, internet, hobbies, sports, shopping, money, power, status, materialism, etc. When someone has an addiction, they will not and can not be emotionally available to develop an intimate relationship with you!

Additional Points to Consider:

1. The fact is no one looks 25 forever. Ultimately, we love the person we marry for more than their appearance. When we get to know someone we love and admire, we’ll love them for their inner beauty and overall essence.
2. Once we find someone, we consciously or subconsciously want so badly for it all to work that we decide not to question or see what is clearly in front of our eyes: they were rude to the waiter, speaks ill of others, is rude to you, etc. We don’t stop to ask, “What does all of this mean about their character?”
3. Never separate someone from their family, background, education, belief system, etc. Asking clear questions can clarify this. Ask questions like, “What does it mean to have a simple lifestyle?” “What are your expectations of marriage?” “How would you help around the house?” Compare your definition with theirs.
4. Be flexible. Be open-minded!
5. Giving in a happy marriage should not be confused with martyrdom. It should be about taking pleasure and seeing the other person as happy because of your connection with them.
6. Morality and spirituality are the qualities that truly define someone in addition to beauty, money, and health. The morally upright and spiritual person will stand by your side during adversity and hardship. If someone isn’t God-conscience and doesn’t take themselves into account with God then why should you expect them to fulfill their rights owed to you? The ideal partner is someone who considers giving a gain and not causing a loss. Having a mutual and shared spiritual relationship will foster a successful marriage. Furthermore, a successful marriage is one that keeps the laws of family purity which require a certain degree of self-control and self-discipline, as well as the belief that the physical side of the relationship includes the spiritual and emotional side as well. Finding commonality and balance between the spiritual and emotional aspects of a relationship is a strong key to a healthy and thriving marriage.

The above article was [in part] inspired by and adapted from a presentation by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.

Monday, 5 April 2010

Want some change!

And I am back from the Islamic conference. I really didnt want to leave, I had such an amazing time, learnt ALOT, met more sisters, had a great time chilling and staying up with the cardiffian and london room mates, and the shopping! New abayas and scarfs and more scarfs!
I'm too tired to go into detail about the lectures but they were soooo good! Humorous but direct and made very important points.
The past few mornings i stayed awake till fajr prayed fajr outside and just had easy-going days (no little children ro look after, no housework to do) it was amazing!
I sure wouldnt mind going there every month.

Now I'm back here. Old routine. And a big list of things to do, and these things are on going not just a small to-do list!
I've had a cold since thrusday and at Jimas i stayed up alot so got like 2 or 3 hours sleep a day and right now I just feel like nocking out. But dad wants me to help him with stuff, as soon as im back i already have people asking of me. Of course I wont refuse but its stressing me out because I'm ill and tired and want to go through my islamic notes and need to revise!!

I loved that bit of change, wish it could have been longer :( and now i want to move away from here, like move house. I just feel fed up here. It was like a different country in Liecester, maybe because we were all Muslims at the same place for the same reason and were so relaxed because islam was the only thing we were concerned about, but now I'm back to my duties, my studies, my family and I don't know where I'm going.

It's such a confued, frustrated, kind of worried feeling.
Confused because I don't know how to do what I want in life, frustrated because I'm so bored of the same old routine here and i feel like so much is needed to be done but I can't do it! And I'm worried because what if I fail in my goals and expectations. I don't think I explained it good enough but I don't understand it myself lol.
I think i might just need some sleep! Better read Salah and help dad, then I'll sleep.

Thursday, 1 April 2010


The next 4 days are going to be looonngg days! Packed with Islamic lectures!!

Yup im off to leicester (however you spell it lol) for the islamic conference.
Mum didnt allow me and sister to go last year but this year, alhamdulillah, she was cool with it so ive been well excited today!! Packing and getting myself ready. But now i feel a cold or something coming on :( alhamdulillah its kwl. Some of my sins will get expiated while im gaining knowledge lol, i really can't wait, i know it will give me such an emaan boost.

Let me just share with you some of the details-
Confirmed Speakers:
1. Salim Al Amry... See More
2. Suhaib Hasan
3. Mamdouh Mohamed
4. Shabir Ally
5. Hesham Al Awadi
6. Abu Muntasir

1. Battlefield Heart: The Assault of Sins
2. Battlefield Heart: The Defence of Faith
3. Purification of the Soul
4. Letting the Jewels of the Heart Shine
5. Until the Sun Rises from the West
6. Dignity of Good Manners - Respect for God’s Creation
7. A Believer’s Wait for Recognition by Allah
8. The Double-edged weapon of Knowledge & Worship
9. The Two Goals of Justice and Mercy
10. Witnessing Muhammad as Allah’s Slave and Messenger
11. Conviction that Merits Success
12. Darkness in the Heart

How awesome is that?!! :D

Anywho i need to get an early night tonight. Have to be up at 8ish, which is very hard for me lol.
Will be back in a few days, safe and well inshaAllah. Until then peace out brothers and sisters, take care.

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

A quick one

I said I would post again at night so here I am.
The halaqa was rather interesting, discussed marriage stuff, the ayah about husband and wife being garments of one another- "They are your garments and ye are their garments." [2:187] its very deep, ill just summarise it- basically they should protect, comfort, cover, support, honour, guard and beautify one another. I think in our next halaqa we are going to go more in depth with marriage stuff, in 2weeks time inshaAllah. I love it, it's so relaxed and friendly and all us sisters are such good company, i love how we gather for the sake of Allah and discuss topics in Islam and always leave feeling in a state of high emaan and it motivates me to keep striving on this path.
Oh ye and we had some delicious chocolate muffins and cake after, mmmmmm anywho... Time was going nice and slow until 1 o'clock, i managed to (not do any more revision) but listen to an islamic lecture, and read like maybe 15 islamic articles on facebook. Now its getting late.
I really want to buy some hoodies and t-shirts with islamic slogans, so im just surfing the net right now, and also feel like reading! Which is quite rare lol actually if its islamic based then i love it. I'm looking for novel kind of books, which have a theme of religion and have morals and stories that us individuals can relate to and learn from. If anyone has any recommendations please comment.
JazakAllah khair :)

Monday, 29 March 2010

Dreams Dreams Dreams

I'm not talking about the ones you have when your asleep. (Although they are ever so fascinating). I'm talking about life dreams, dreams that each individual aspires to accomplish some day.
My list growns and alters and decreases and increases ever so often.

My one BIG dream is to set up a small weekly islamic class for girls, ages between 7-19 years maybe, (the youth are not holding onto deen as much as they should), anyway- a nice building, clean and full of a positive spiritual atmosphere, and a lovely garden outside for the younger ones to play in. I was looking through the argos catalogue and seen some cool climbing frames and such, thought it would be amazing if i could one day create a place for children to be free and explore. Kids are deprived of such joyful discovery these days, theres always fear around the place. I hope to run this place with my husband who could set up a boys class too inshaAllah.

I also want to go Palestine soon, help the poor brothers and sisters who are in need. I hate to be sitting here in a life of luxury while the Ummah are struggling for their lives :( really want to bring even a bit of happiness to them, and moreso please Allah by doing my duty.

A little dream thathas been lighting up my thoughts these days is painting. Ive always been creative and wanted to do something on the side, as a hobby but something thatcould bring benefit. So i finally discovered- islamic calligraphy. Ive menationed it before so i wont go on about it. But basically selling islamic calligraphy paintings and things would be awesome! InshaAllah

Okay i think thats the only 3 big dreams i have. I have the smaller ones of being a wife, a mother, being able tolive according to the Qur'an and Sunnah and lead a happy balanced life. Balance between physical and spiritual states, balance between family and community, and religion and work. Im sure all these things can go hand in hand, if i do things properly. Theres no time like the present though, so I'm sort of grasping the means to achieve my goals now. Better to start sooner than later. But what Allah has written for me, may not be what i want right now. Allah knows best and His plans are always successful so I shouldnt plan too much because I have no control over the future. Nevertheless its good to set high aims, 'you achieve only as much as you intend' so aim higher and higher you will be, inshaAllah.

Anywho, i justleft my revision-note making because i had these thoughts lol. Better get back to it, because my education is one way in which I can be of assistance in Palestine and help myself and my family and the community over here. Plus more money = more oppurtunities, more to give to charity, and better chances of making the dreams come true.
I think i'll be back tonight, after the monday halaqa. I think we are going to be discussing marriage issues or hadith about the Qur'an. InshaAllah I will share it with you :) peace out for now x

Zahir Mahmood

Such a great speaker mashaAllah. Listening to a few of his lectures about the early martyrs of Islam. These things really have such a great impact! Puts things into perspective. This world is insignificant.
One thing i pray for is to die as a martyr. The things we do in the places we are cannot be anything compared to that of the actions of the sahabah, so honoured to be in the presence of the Prophet (salallhu 'alaihi wasallam), they showed such courage and bravery, such love for the Prophet and for the Lord of the heavens and the earth, and such desire of Jannah. I wish i could be like them even a fraction!
I know in our time we have soo much corruption at every corner, and that is the test for us, but i know im not doing enough, im not even much of a good Muslim (Allah knows best) i fall into traps easily. Although i think i am getting better lol alhamdulillah.
Theres a hadith- which i cant find. Bascially if one prays to die in the way of Islam, as a martyr then he will be at the status of the martyrs even if he died in his bed.

May Allah make us strong and steadfast in our emaan, may He help us to carry out our duties correctly as Muslims and be obedient servants, to love His Messenger, to love Him with all our heart and do everything to attain His love mercy and pleasure. May He save us from the punishment in the grave and the hellfire and grant us a place close to Him in Jannah. Ameen

Sunday, 28 March 2010

Just a little natter :)

Asalaamulaikum, Havent been on for a few days, to be honest the reason was because after my last post, i stayed up engaged in ibadah and i realised how much time i wasted trying to get into this blogging thing. Moderation is the key! A big thing to remember.

But ye, had a little 'party' at the islamic school on saturday. I thought all the children would be dresed in eid clothes, and i thought the other teachers would atleast wear nice abayas, so i wore a nice elegant black one with brown beads and embroidery (so glad i didnt go for the black and green one) everyone was wearing normal clothes!! haha. And then the kids were going crazy with the bouncy castle and painting and the snacks! Alhamdulillah it was lovely though.
But i have sooo much university work to do. Im sure others of you are like this, where you know you have things to do which are important yet youjust do the less importsnt things thatyou actually want to do. And now its nearly second week of holidays and ive done nothing. Familys always asking for help too and time goes soo quick. I just need to make sure i get started and not stress!

I find it not quite right though if i go more than a few hours without doing something islamic. And write now im going over my arabic writing, i really want to start arabic calligraphy and sell my work inshaAllah once its good enough. :) halaal money!
Anywho Ive been in bed a few hours today since i came back from helping my dad with cleaning the shop. Wasnt feeling too well, but i know Allah is always here and He knows my pain, so patience will ve rewarded inshaAllah and with pain our sins are expiated so us muslims, we are winners all round. SubhanAllah.

Thursday, 25 March 2010

Awake for no reason

Salaam all... whoever is out there... Feel like I made this blog to talk to myself lol. So new to it, only made it yesterday because I came across some marriage and Islam blog and thought 'ooh lets see whats blogging about' and I got reeled in slowly but surely, one of those things I guess where you get hyped up about it and spend ridiculous amounts of time getting into it when you should be doing more important things and then it just dies down. But what the hey its something new :)
I was scheduled to sleep around 12 and wow its late now! lol. Argh now I'm thinking I have so much to do, why have I not started any lecture reading?? Ah well that can wait...
Had a reallyyy good day today alhamdulillah. Letting go for the sake of Allah and putting your trust in Him can be hard but with faith you can get through anything. And today, what I left yesterday came back, and now everything is as smooth as stroking newly laid plaster. My trust is with Allah, my peace and happiness is with Allah and He has opened so many doors for me, hence why Im doing what Im doing and getting involved with Islamic things here and there, its all from Him.

Hadith of the Day- "..Be mindful of Allah, you will find Him before you. Get to know Allah in prosperity and He will know you in adversity. Know that what has passed you by was not going to befall you; and that what has befallen you was not going to pass you by. And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and ease with hardship." [al-Tirmidhi]... Oh and i <3 this 1- "Indeed amazing are the affairs of a believer ! They are all for his benefit; If he is granted ease of living he is thankful; and this is best for him. And if he is afflicted with a hardship, he perseveres; and this is best for him."

I find such peace and comfort in these things, knowing everything happens for a reason and knowing Allah is ALWAYS with me. hmmmm :) such a contented feeling I can't even explain.
Oh i forgot! I was meant to listen to an Islamic talk by Zahir Mahmood, could have listened to it while I was doing this, but never mind I'll listen to some of it now :) going to be awakening late i thing to end this deep night post-
Blesses to be a Muslimah :) x

Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Our shield, our identity

Hijab is an act of worship, and as an act of worship, it will be rewarded.

Part of our commitment to Allah SWT is to trust that He knows what is best for us and that what He has commanded is what is right. If we find ourselves disliking the way that He has set for us, our challenge is not to ignore or to try to change His command, but rather it is to seek for ourselves the wisdom in the command and to surrender to His will. If we don't like what He has commanded, we should try to change ourselves not His commands. We should try to find reasons why His command is right and will be beneficial for us, and we should try to motivate ourselves through this to obey the command.
We look to the Quran and Sunnah to find what Allah SWT has commanded. Neither one can be taken alone but they both go together.
"And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, [a list of relatives], or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss."
Surah al-Ahzab ayah 59 says:
"O Prophet! Say to your wives and your daughters and the women of the faithful to draw their outergarments (jilbabs) close around themselves; that is better that they will be recognized and not annoyed. And God is ever Forgiving, Gentle."
The reason why Muslim women should wear an outer garment when going out of their homes is that they may be recognised as "Believing" women and differentiated from streetwalkers for whom sexual harassment is an occupational hazard. The purpose of this verse was not to confine women to their homes, but to make it safe for them to go about their daily business without attracting unsavoury attention.
Together, these two ayat lay out seven commandments for Muslim sisters:

1. "to lower their gazes"
2. "to guard their private parts"
3. "not to display their beauty except what is apparent of it"
4. "to extend their headcoverings to cover their bosoms"
5. "not to display their beauty except to their husbands or their fathers..."
6. "not to strike their feet (on the ground) so as to make known what they hide"
7. "to draw their outergarments close around themselves"

Lowering the gaze means not looking at what is forbidden to be seen of others. Guarding the private parts means that only the husband is allowed to see or touch them. Not giving knowledge of what is hidden means not posturing or strutting around so as to jangle hidden jewellery or make men think about hidden body parts. All of these are part of what Allah SWT has commanded in regard to hijab.

What is apparent are the hands and face, it is clearly stated that the hair should be covered and extending to cover the chest, this includes the ears and the neck, and outergarments should be drawn around, not showing the figure of the woman which could lead to unlawful gazes, and encourage male desires.
The purpose for clothes in the west is beauty, for attraction. On the subject of attraction, two sure things exists, one in a woman and one in a man. That which exists within a woman is the desire to show herself off, it is a part of her nature. That which exists in a man is an inclination towards looking, not just looking but flirting and receiving pleasure from it. By dressing in a way that Allah (swt) has asked of us, it will prevent the showing off as there will be no means for one to do so, and hence men will not be inclined in looking or behaving in an unlawful manner that would put himself and you at risk.

As you must be aware, women walk the streets virtually naked these days. But this nakedness may not be the actual revealing of skin. The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) spoke about times that would come where women are clothed but naked (i.e. her clothes will be tight fitting, transparent) this is amongst the signs of the Day of Judgement.
We should not fall into this trap. Wear hijab for the sake of Allah, it is only of benefit to us in this life and the next.

We should be known as chaste and virtuous women not mere puppets of media. A statement of truth and liberation, not a means of profit and subjects of abuse. A sight of honour- a believing woman following the way of the Ummahat-al-mu'mineen, not followers of these celebrities.

Sisters who wear hijab, I'm sure you feel very safe and shielded, and at the same time you know your representing Islam and this reinforces you to observe proper Islamic etiquettes. Its wonderful to see Muslimahs who are not afraid to wear hijab :) our bodies are beautiful so only our husbands have the right to see them, not every man who walks past. Biiiggg high five to the Hijabi's :D

Precious Advice

O Muslim! You believe in Allah and in the final day, its reward and its punishment. You believe in the day of reckoning and the paradise and hellfire. You know that Allah sees you, He hears you, and that He knows the core of your conscience. He loves what will benefit you and hates what will harm you. He loves that which is permissible for you and hates that which is impremissible for you.

With that said, I remind you to take account your soul and that you return to the obedience of your Lord, your Master, your Protector. The One Who created you, provides for you, gave you life, and forgives you.

* The One Who feeds you, gives you to drink, clothes you, and provides you with shelter. He strengthens you with intelligence, hearing, sight, knowledge, and understanding. He taught you what you did not know and gave you preference over many that He has created.

So praise Allah my Muslim brother and thank Him with all of your heart, tongue, and good deeds by doing what He made obligatory on you and by leaving what He forbade you.

* At the forefront of that is Tawheed of Allah and being sincere in worshipping Him only. Then focus on performing the five daily prayers on time with the congregation (for the men) in the Masjid. It is a pillar of the religion and a connection to the Lord of all of the worlds. It is from the religious rites of the Muslim that distinguishes between Islaam and Kufr. It expiates the sins and faults. It prohibits lewdness and objectionable matters. Allah has obligated it upon you and upon every Muslim who is mature and sane. He has obligated it for every situation whether in good health, illness, while resident or during travel, during times of safety and in times of fear based on one’s capacity:

{Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity.}

* I remind you that the one who abandons prayer is a disbeliever whose blood is permissible to be shed. Such a one cannot marry a Muslim woman. His deeds are not accepted. He does leave inheritance to be inherited and does not inherit from others. When he dies he is not to be washed or shrouded and definitely not to be prayed over. He is not buried in the graves of the Muslims except for the one who repents (before dying). Allah will accept his repentance as He is at-Tawwaab (the One Who accepts repentance), ar-Raheem (the Merciful). Returning to the truth is better than to be persistent upon falsehood. So repent to your Lord my Muslim brother and protect the observance of your five daily prayers.

Have remorse for your pervious shortcomings in obeying Allah and resolve never to return to disobedience before you die remorseful when remorse will not benefit you and you will despair of your negligence.

O Allah guide us to Your straight path. O Allah accept our repentance for indeed You are at-Tawwaab, ar-Raheem. O Allah send peace & blessing upon our prophet Muhammad and upon his family and companions.

Taken from Daily Reminders
By ash-Shaykh Muhammad bin Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (rahimahullah)
-Taken from Risaalah fee al-Ghusl, wal-Wudhoo, was-Salaah pages 57 – 62
-Translated by Aboo ‘Imraan al-Mekseekee (may Allahu guide him)