Friday, 7 May 2010


Guys are my weakness!
I say it so bluntly because there is no point denying or trying to distance the fact, I know it, Allah knows it so who cares if someone else knows it eh lol... I know my weaknesses and I like other people to tell me if I have any bad characteristics and to criticise me (gently lol) we can't imrpove if we don't know what to imrpove on.
Anyways...bit more to the point of this post-

I use to feel like I'm incomplete; like my deen, my behavior and my personality are lacking something. I felt like..maybe if I have someone (as in, a husband) I'd be complete. That I'd be a whole lot better and that this weakness would then be my strength.
I use to be close to one guy then another guy (not relationship, just friendship but with slight feelings) and I felt like I had that support and 'love' but when there was no guy I felt quite empty and like I just needed a partner. But I'm glad I left guys because that emptyness that was there, it wasnt there to be filled with a guy's love it was there to be filled with love for Allah.

SubhanAllah, as soon as I stood on my own two feet, I really connected with Allah, I turned to Him for everything and talked to Him all the time and tried my best to do everything to make Him happy and my life and my self felt soooo complete I can't even explain. My Deeny-ness increased, my behaviour and personality got moulded into that of a proper Muslimah. My weakness with guys turned into my strength with my Lord. It filled the gaping hole of incompleteness in my heart to a state of overwhelming wholeness.

And it is in this state of completeness that one should go into marriage. That way you are always full of love, and your not leaning on the partner so much that they will snap, and even if things go a bit pear-shaped from time to time, your heart will still feel complete because you will always have Allah with you.
Once we have gained this completeness, marriage will be much easier inshaAllah.

On a different note, as soon as your around 21/22 (for girls) it's like your the bait on the fishing line, parents finding rishta's (potential partners), other parents looking for partners for their sons, all fishing around while hardly any ask us what WE want. Maybe I'm generalising too much but it's what I feel.
I personally think we shouldn't have to wait til a certain age, the Prophet (peace be upon him) encouraged us to marry young. If more people did this, instead of getting influenced by modernism, there would be less illegal sexual relations, less zina, less kids going behind their parents backs and sinning infront of Allah because the need for companionship and intimacy would be fulfilled when it arised.

I feel like parents don't even talk to their kids about marriage as much as they should, in the way that they should. The most my mum has said to me is (to keep it simple) 'your cousin is a nice boy, you should marry him, he will be good in the family'... Obviously no girl from the west is going to want to marry their freshie cousin. I know parents are more wise and stuff but a lot of us teens aren't exactly dumb. We know what to look for in our potential spouse. And those who are more into their religion will sometimes know more than the parents.
For example is it wrong for me to not have a Mendhi? Is it wrong for me to not want to change my name after marriage? Is it wrong for me to want a small marriage in a masjid? I know our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) has told us smaller marriages gain more blessing, and none of his wives had a mendhi did they. All I want is to follow the Qur'an and Sunnah as much as I can, especially when starting a new chapter in my life. But my family seems to think they know better. Especially mum and older sis! They look at me like I'm speaking a loud of nonsense :S

I know I'm going on a bit but it's an interesting topic lol.
When me my sis and mates are talking about marriage, I tell them- marriage should not be our goal, it is just a means of getting closer to Allah. And I tell them I can't wait to get married, not just because I'll have someone there but because I can focus on everything properly, especially religion. All I have to do is keep the guy happy :) lol (easier said than done ofcourse)
But ye, I want to do alot in life and the only way I can is if my husband is someone like-minded so he can help me fufill my dreams as well as succeeding at his own.. inshaAllah... And what is most important is the joining of two complete hearts, supporting each other on the right path.


  1. You've definitely hit the nail on the head in this post. What an excellent read! And I have noticed exactly the same in my local Muslim community. Parents should learn how to teach their children to become mature quickly so that they make good decisions all their life - even when it comes to marriage in later life.

    Instead, I see parents leaving their kids at the Islamic school or the mosque and expecting the teachers and imams to raise their kids. Then, in later life, the kids have no idea how to make good decisions. And end up in the wrong crowd; and subsequently with the wrong partner.

    As for what you want in your wedding ceremony, you should just do what you want and leave what you don't want. If you don't want to have a mehndi, don't have one!

    In our family, my sister and my sister in law didn't change their names when they got married. Neither one had a mehndi. And to top it off, we didn't spend much money on the wedding either. We had 150 guests and we spent just under £300 (in each wedding). How? Our guests didn't include the wife of the postman who used to live next door to our previous neighbours' daughter's second husband's mother in law twice removed.

    We had a close knit bunch of friends and family come to our house where we served them excellent home-cooked food (none of that mass produced crap they serve at most weddings). Our friends helped prepare everything from gazebo to desserts.

    You're definitely right on everything you've written on this post! LOVE IT!

  2. JazakAllah khair :)

    Wow that's good stuff man. Exactly what I want my wedding to be like. (Without all that 'wife of the postman who used to live next door to our previous neighbours' daughter's second husband's mother in law twice removed' stuff lol that made me laugh)

    And with the- maturing quicker. Most of the youths and the generations that follow, show no initiative. Instead of paving success they wreck their oppurtunities with everything.

    When I went to the JIMAS conference, one of the speakers- Hesham Al-Awadi talked about youth in the earlier generations and how nowadays people are just losing the will to think! Everyone is governed by the system.
    I think I'll type up the lecture and share it on here inshaAllah.

  3. Love the post! I am glad you found contentment with Allah(swt) and fighting those urges to be boy crazy haha.

    As for not relying on your partner completely emotionally, this is excellent insight. It is easy to lose yourself in your relationships and forget to have your own life. This post has really inspired me. Keep trekking for the "one" sister. :)

  4. Salamaualaikum!!
    u just gained a subby because you remind me so much of ME!!! i had the same problem and alhumdulilah i realized "what is the point" this stupid pattern and running into more stupid guys and for what? amusement? lol

    But ur so right about everything u said! we NEVER need another person but we ALWAYS need Allah!

  5. loll @ Jelass, 'boy crazy' that was the old me haha astaghfirullah.
    JazakAllah khair.

    LBB- :D when the rrealization hits you, you regret so much ini, we wasted all that time for ye that bit of amusement or immediate gratification. But alhamdulillah Allah guides whom He wills and once you realize your mistakes its much easier to avoid anything that can lead to them again.