Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Turning tables

Woop woop! Salaam dudes and dudettes.

I was going to write a post to weigh out the pros and cons of Mr Zahid, but then I thought that would be like exposing his faults, so I decided to leave it, instead I'll just say what you all probably know by now- he seems confused, doesnt know where to put his priorities? too busy? Although his emaan seems really good, he has quite a lot of knowledge mashaAllah he is funny and has good looks and is focused on his goal of helping the Ummah... but ye so I am just letting go of the whole situation
and focusing on deeny matters :) got soooo much to do, read, learn. And especially as Ramadan is cominngggg!!! :D

Oh and yay I have an award for blogging! From my lovely big sis in Islam Is-za Jelass Thankyou :) now I have defo got to raise standard of my blog. I know exactly how (I think lol).
Ok the rules of the award are to say where you see in yourself in 10 years and also pass the award on to 10 other bloggers.

Hmm.... this will take me a while...

In 10 years INSHAALLAH I want to be here or in an Islamic country, with a stable family life with about 2 beautiful children and a very practising Muslim husband from the west. I want to be studying Islam and teaching it to others in my own Islamic school or class sort of thing. Even if it is a just a weekly class with about 30 children. I intend to be living a very simple life, no extravagance or riches just Allah, Islam and my family (ofcourse a small house and food aswel! oh and maybe camel :) ) I want to have my own psychological practice/ clinic (if I have done a phD by then) or work in a place that gives councel and adivce to Muslims and those with mental problems or be a marriage mentor. Whichever way the wind blows. Just something so that I can try and get rid of some distress from peoples lives. I also want to adopt an orphan! Definately.

From now I aim to study Islam with the resources I have, try and get closer to the Qur'an to get closer to Allah and memorise as much of the Qur'an as I can after learning tajweed, I want to learn the arabic language and be an aalima (inshaAllah!)that is something I reallyyyy want to do, and I want to have a little side business of maybe selling some art and donating some of the earnings to charity, I also aim to learn the exercise of Rakha and become an instructor so I can benefit the Muslim women and their health as well as myself. And ofcourse studying in uni to my best so I can be in the job I want inshaAllah
Ok I feel like I dont have enough aims lol maybe I do and more will add on as tim goes but I just need to make sure I find the means to reach these goals and STICK TO THEM! inshaAllah. I feel very motivated now so I will begin doing today what I can.
Keep each other in your du'as :) May Allah give us all success in everything we do, help us to do it for His pleasure and work in His cause, and keep us guided on the straight path. Ameen

Friday, 18 June 2010


Salaam dudes and dudettes... I hope you're all good. I feel rather bored on here, feel like changing the blog design again, but this one looks so neat!

Anyways... Anyone know anyone who is a marriage mentor?

P.s. I gave 'My 1st Prospect' a name- ZAHID. I don't know where it came from but it means devotee, religious or something along them lines. Jst thought I should add an identity lol, although it is not his real name ofcourse.
Oh wait I could have called him Yusuf, I love that name.

My days have not been that busy buuut my mornings up to early afternoon are soo gay!!
wake up- housework- housework-housework- cook- cook- tidy- roti- clear up- ughh its so tedious and repetitive and drains all the enrgy out of me!
Annoys me because people don't put their effort in with the tidying, and things always get so messy again!! and I cant stand mess! really wrecks my mood.

Anywho washing machine is calling me ..yaaay(!) ¬_¬

entertain me dudes I need a reason to blog more lol, where are the fans?


Monday, 14 June 2010

Life on Venus

I know I took a longgg time to get here. But I lost my passport and could not get into the shuttle! (I forgot my username and passowrd and couldn't log on to blogger! lol) Until yesterday when I remembered how to get in. And I am losing the commitement of going through the book and typing things up lol but no I WILL EXPLORE SPACE!
Ok into Venus we go...

First and foremost, the Venusians have different values. They value love <3, communication, beauty and relationships. They give a lot of help and support to each other and they gain a sense of self through their feelings and the quality of their relationships, through sharing and relating they gain fulfillment.

Their world is rather opposite to that of the Martians, whereas Martians love work and technology, Venusians' main concern is living in harmony and cooperation. They do not wear the outfit of competence, rather they wear outfits to express their feelings and may change several times aday because of their changing moods. Rather than achieving succss they feel it is more important to share personal feelings. Ok guys, to understand this about women you need to relate it to the feeling you have when you accomplish a goal or solve a problem.

They are very involved in personal growth and everything that can nurture life, they are very intuitive and a sign of great love is to offer help when another Venusian is in need of it. Offering help to Venusians from Venusians is not seen as offensive because they dont need to prove their competence, and asking for help or needing help is not seen as a sign of weakness.

However when a woman offers advice to a man, he may feel offended because he will think she is doubting him or not trusting his baility to be able to do things by himself and may make him feel incompetent and weak. But when a man offers his advice to her, she likes it because it makes her feel loved and cherished. Offering advice is seen as an act of love and Venusians like to point out things that can be improved because improving things is in their nature and they believe if something is working it can always work better. However on Mars, as everything is solution-orientated, Martians believe if something is working then don't change it- 'Don't fix it unless it is broken'
This Mars motto means that if a woman tries to improve a man, he will feel like she is trying to fix him! = 'am I broken??? I am broken?? :S no I am not so why is she trying to fix me?'

Girls, don't try to fix him, even though our intentions are innocent and loving- we just want to help him grow, he is from another planet so your attempt to help may result in him being humiliated! Think twice.

Martians and Venusians have great attributes, but most of the time they fail to use them correctly with the correct timing and correct approach. Men need to be aware that if a woman is babbling on about her problems and everything from A-Z YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FIX THEM ALL...just listen. She is not solution orientated like a man, so if you offer lots and lots of solutions and yet she still keeps talking about her problems, don't worry, she doesn't necessarily need the solutions, all she needs is your ears! She doesn't need to be fixed and will most likely get better on her own.

And women, unecessary soliciting should be avoided, especially if he has made a mistake. It will make him feel un-loved and controlled. He needs your acceptance more than your adivce to make him learn from his mistakes. e.g.

1- Venusian- 'Oh look what you've done! Why did you do this you should have done this like this and not like that! Next time do this like that and that like this and this wont happen again! I already told you before'= Martian 'what's wrong with you woman! I know what I'm doing, stop nagging me!'

2- Venusian- 'Oh no, you've done it again. Never mind it's fine we can sort it out later, thes things happen'= Martian 'aw I'm sorry dear, next time I know what to do'

A bit extreme examples but you get the picture. Last point-
A woman does appreciate Mr. Fix-it, as long as he doesn't come out when she is upset. And a man does greatly appreciate the suggestions of improvement from a woman but as long as it is requested.

In the next post we will look at what happens when a Martian and Venusian reject the percieved sign of love and care from the other. (Rejecting the advice and rejecting the imrpovement)

Saturday, 5 June 2010

Life on Mars

Hey there :) Ok so I could have typed this post earlier becuase I had already read the 1st couple of chapters!
The 1st chapter gives summaries of the other chapters in the book and basically says that Men and Women clearly have differences, different thoughts, values, behaviours, emotions and different ways of expressing emotions and dealing with situations.
Men expect women to think, communicate and react the way they do and women expect men to feel, communicate and respond the way that women do. This results in conflict. All you have to remember is that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.Be aware of the differences, take time to understand each other so you may respect each other. And don't become demanding, resentful, intolerant and judgemental.
'When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom'

Women always complain that men don't listen, men complain that women are always trying to change them. A women wants empathy, he thinks she wants solutions. A man wants acceptance, but women persist in trying to 'help' them and then the man feels like he is being controlled. We need to understand why men offer solutions and women why women seek to improve.

Lets go meet the Martians!

They value power, competency, efficiency and achievment. Thier sense of self is defined through the ability to achieve results and accomplishment. While women fantasize about romance men fantasize about fast cars and poweful technology. They are pre-occupied with things that help them express power by achieving their goals. Achieving goals is veyr important to them because it shows their competence and makes them feel good about themselves. No one else can achieve for him so they pride themselves in doing things by themselves. If women understand this about Martians they should understand why they resist being corrected or being told what to do. The issue of competence is very important, so if a woman comes along and starts telling the man 'oh do this like this do that like that' and giving unsolicited advice, it's like they are presuming that he can't do it on his own.
Because they handle problems themselves, they don't really talk about their problems unless its an urgency. Asking for help when you can do it yourself is seen as a sign of weakness. However when they do need to ask for advice then it is a sign of wisdom. They will find someone they respect, and the other Martian will then feel honoured, get into his Mr Fix-it suit and offer some gems of advice.

When a women starts talking about her feelings and the problems in her day and every other problem she has, a man thinks 'oh she needs advice' and gets into the Mr Fit-it suit and shows his love and willingness to help by offering advice.
He wants to help, he wants to be useful, be worthy of value and thus worthy of love from her, and hence offers advice. BUT... women just talk and talk, and the poor Martian is bombarded with these problems one after another even when he has offered a solution! If the Venusian is still upset (as women tend to grab every problem once they get started!) he will find it difficult to listen becuase he will think that she keeps talking about the problems because his advice was not good and therefore he thinks 'she's rejecting my advice!' and his Mr Fix-it suit gets stained as he feels he is not able to help. However, all he needs to know is-

just by listening with interest and empathy he can be supportive. She doesn't necessarily require solutions, but rather just someone to listen. Most Martians fail to note that when a Venusian is talking about a problem it is not an invitation to offer a solution.

In the next post we will travel to Venus.