Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

I hope you are well. With my last exam dawning, and the holidays peeking over the horizon, I've decided to make use of my time in many ways that can benefit me as well as others, on the internet and inside the home as well as outside in the community.

Everyone must have heard of the book by John Gray: Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus; A Practical Guide For Improving Communication and Getting What You Want In Your Relationship.

If you've read it then thats great, if not then thats not so great :P (I'm in the middle of reading it, but I wil start again from the start instead of jumping thorugh chpaters). Anyways, either way, you can read summaries and important points from the Chapters (and maybe even whole chapters!) on my blog, for the next few weeks. (This week will be slow because of my exam and other work but it will be done)

It will really benefit people. It covers a lot of aspects and really conveys clear messages and tips and advice, a 'much needed book' 'valueable' 'a superb guide' and 'a fascinating book that offers hope and insight into having a whole and healed relationship'
I read a couple of chapters and was really in there! Even put what I read into practice and it works wonders lol.
Until next time folks- Peace out

Watch this space ^_^

x

Defence of Faith

Asalaamulaikum. Here's the notes on the lecture about how we need to be doing A LOT more than we are doing now, (I alluded to it in comment on a previous post)

You are never too young to achieve, influence and make an impact

The perception that people had about life in the past motivated them and pushed them to do more with the time they had.
Today, we relax, thinking we have many years.

In the past, education didn't follow a standard, time- dependent, education system. The lack of heirachies made people believe that they are not restricted, and why should we be? Now, people believe we can't do certain things until a certain time, we are somewhat conditioned to follow the system and this leads us to limit ourselves. For example, we don't read University books until we are at that age or at that level, but why wait til that age, what is stopping us? this is one of many examples and it has a negative impact on heroism.

Roots of Greatness Come From Within You

If we look at A'isha (radiallahu anha), she learnt to read and write, she learnt medicine, through her own incentive. And look at what a great woman she became, alhamdulillah. Age was not relevant, for any of the sahabah, as long as they could achieve and survive. Their lives were short, they had no standardized cirriculum and this lead to early achievement
Even from this small example we should realize, if we want to do something, just do it. Especially nowadays, we have so many resources available to us but even still we don't make full use of them. No one but ourselves is losing out.

Be Busy

Keep yourself away from distractions and increase responsibility.

Discover your talents, your abilities and be yourself

The Prophet (salallahu 'alaihi wasallam) had a great way of talking to his companions, he would talk to them within their limits, he knew their strengths and encouraged them to fulfill their potential.
For example: Amr Ibn Al-'Aas, who converted to Islam 2 years before the Prophet's death, was asked to lead the battle (Muslim conquest of Egypt) and lead those who had been Muslim all their lives.
He asked who the Prophet loved most, and was told that even though he may not be number one to him, he is number one on the field. He realised his talent. Even if others questioned his position, the Prophet new best.
So even if others are doubtful, don't doubt yourself and do not lower the limits on yourself, everyone has great potential and if you know your potential, use it. Identify and compete, not with others but with yourself and your potential, if you are good then be better. Stick to your own abilities but draw benefits from others. And don't direct your aim to strengthening your weak points but rather spend time working on and building up on your strong points.
But remember talent is not enough, you need things alongisde it such as patience, perseverance, discpiline. With these, you will achieve. InshaAllah.

Be ambitious and set your bar high

(from lecture by Hesham Al-Awadi)

I can be anywhere do anything and be mindful of God...

Asalaamulaikum :)

I am a very happy chappy today alhamdulillah (well now I am, I'm not sure how I was during the day lol) anywho... I went to see my cousin in hospital, on the way there, when I was walking toward the hospital I saw a brother walking toward me (so the opposite way) I just looked once and tried to restrain myself because ofcourse second look is sinful and he looked religious, islamic clothing, and a beard, (can't be too sure about his religiousness but what is built up inwardly, usually manifests itself outwardly). I passed him and thought...'hmm I need to meet my husband soon lol hope he looks like that'.. na anyways that weren't the point of this post.

You know on the way back from the hospital, I saw alot of things that really made me think and reflect.
I saw this Asian guy, Bengali or Pakistani, walking and holding hands with a non-Muslim.
I'm not sure if he was Muslim but most likely was, can't help to think I'm so blessed to be guided. But it pains me to see the the Muslims doing what they are doing, indulging in the dunya, following their desires and forgetting who they are or what they are here for :( May Allah guide them and guide us. Ameen

And I saw girls, going out for their saturday night partying, clubbing, with their their hair and faces done and walking the streets in their little dresses and skirts, half naked...and the first thing I thought was 'it must be so hard for my brothers'.
Ofcourse its a sin to look at unlawful things, and you have to control your desires, but these people make it soooo hard for you (brothers).. Especially now summer is coming and the littlest bit of sunshine and everyones clothes come off! Astaghfirullah. Its hard to lower the gaze as it is but when people are dressed like that its 100 times harder, like for the sisters, the guys who walk around with no tops on, showing off their arms and their pacs!
Trials are everywhere, we have to be sooo careful and ALWAYS remember Allah is watching, the harder your struggle the greater the blessing. So keep striving for Allah's pleasure and stay away from places where it may make your situations much harder. But brothers, I do feel for you. Why can't these girls have abit of self-respect and modesty. Would make things so much easier for you lot. May Allah give you the strength to stay firm on the deen. Ameen

Last thing I'm going to touch on-
Ok so I was almost home, there were a few men, sorta young, probably drunk, walking down the road, me and mum went past and one of them just shouts 'Oi seexxxy!!' I was thinking 'wut? My mom?' lool joking.. I was so embarrassed, uneasy, I tried to pretend I heard nothing and just quickly got in the house. These people scare me.
Even at the hospital, I was in the day room place with my lil cousin and we had the tv on and a man came in and looked at us, stood there for a while watching the tv and then left. And then he came back and sat down next to me (there were other seats)...And I felt kinda uncomfortable. I know he was just a normal man sitting down but I still felt sort of like 'umm uh oh'..

Hmm... look all around you, doesn't it feel like a prison? The whole world as well as our own areas. Fear and injustice everywhere, so much sin all around us, so hard to be who we are. But I am greatly thankful that I am a Muslim, gives me the peace, and the community makes me feel safe and its a lovely warm feeling, so blessed. Alhamdulillah. :)

I'de like to end with a few lines from this song:

I wont cry over a world that can't change my life I put my money on what lies ahead in paradise

(A land called Paradise: Kareem Salama)

Completeness

Guys are my weakness!
I say it so bluntly because there is no point denying or trying to distance the fact, I know it, Allah knows it so who cares if someone else knows it eh lol... I know my weaknesses and I like other people to tell me if I have any bad characteristics and to criticise me (gently lol) we can't imrpove if we don't know what to imrpove on.
Anyways...bit more to the point of this post-

I use to feel like I'm incomplete; like my deen, my behavior and my personality are lacking something. I felt like..maybe if I have someone (as in, a husband) I'd be complete. That I'd be a whole lot better and that this weakness would then be my strength.
I use to be close to one guy then another guy (not relationship, just friendship but with slight feelings) and I felt like I had that support and 'love' but when there was no guy I felt quite empty and like I just needed a partner. But I'm glad I left guys because that emptyness that was there, it wasnt there to be filled with a guy's love it was there to be filled with love for Allah.

SubhanAllah, as soon as I stood on my own two feet, I really connected with Allah, I turned to Him for everything and talked to Him all the time and tried my best to do everything to make Him happy and my life and my self felt soooo complete I can't even explain. My Deeny-ness increased, my behaviour and personality got moulded into that of a proper Muslimah. My weakness with guys turned into my strength with my Lord. It filled the gaping hole of incompleteness in my heart to a state of overwhelming wholeness.

And it is in this state of completeness that one should go into marriage. That way you are always full of love, and your not leaning on the partner so much that they will snap, and even if things go a bit pear-shaped from time to time, your heart will still feel complete because you will always have Allah with you.
Once we have gained this completeness, marriage will be much easier inshaAllah.

On a different note, as soon as your around 21/22 (for girls) it's like your the bait on the fishing line, parents finding rishta's (potential partners), other parents looking for partners for their sons, all fishing around while hardly any ask us what WE want. Maybe I'm generalising too much but it's what I feel.
I personally think we shouldn't have to wait til a certain age, the Prophet (peace be upon him) encouraged us to marry young. If more people did this, instead of getting influenced by modernism, there would be less illegal sexual relations, less zina, less kids going behind their parents backs and sinning infront of Allah because the need for companionship and intimacy would be fulfilled when it arised.

I feel like parents don't even talk to their kids about marriage as much as they should, in the way that they should. The most my mum has said to me is (to keep it simple) 'your cousin is a nice boy, you should marry him, he will be good in the family'... Obviously no girl from the west is going to want to marry their freshie cousin. I know parents are more wise and stuff but a lot of us teens aren't exactly dumb. We know what to look for in our potential spouse. And those who are more into their religion will sometimes know more than the parents.
For example is it wrong for me to not have a Mendhi? Is it wrong for me to not want to change my name after marriage? Is it wrong for me to want a small marriage in a masjid? I know our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) has told us smaller marriages gain more blessing, and none of his wives had a mendhi did they. All I want is to follow the Qur'an and Sunnah as much as I can, especially when starting a new chapter in my life. But my family seems to think they know better. Especially mum and older sis! They look at me like I'm speaking a loud of nonsense :S

I know I'm going on a bit but it's an interesting topic lol.
When me my sis and mates are talking about marriage, I tell them- marriage should not be our goal, it is just a means of getting closer to Allah. And I tell them I can't wait to get married, not just because I'll have someone there but because I can focus on everything properly, especially religion. All I have to do is keep the guy happy :) lol (easier said than done ofcourse)
But ye, I want to do alot in life and the only way I can is if my husband is someone like-minded so he can help me fufill my dreams as well as succeeding at his own.. inshaAllah... And what is most important is the joining of two complete hearts, supporting each other on the right path.

To My Husband

Ok well this post is not to my husband because I do not have one... yet lol

I've decided to write a letter to my husband. Whoever he is, wherever he is.

If I write to him (or pretend I'm writing to him and then give it to him when I'm married, or let him accidentally find it lol) anyway I will feel like he's in my life already and that I'm with him and it will stop me thinking about marriage so much that way and help me focus on what is happening at present in my life, that is important for my future.
I know whoever he is, he is waiting just like I am. And we will be looking for each other and by Allah's will we will find each other. We made a promise to each other before we were born, when we met in heaven. We promised we would be together. I hope to stay single and free of men until I meet him, otherwise I feel I would be cheating him and betraying him. I regret previous relationships and I hope he will not be disheartened and love me never the less.
Because I changed for Allah, and Allah still loves me.
And I will love my husband for the sake of Allah.

He may not be untouched, but I will remain untouched for him.
He may not remember the promise, but I will remind him.
He may not remember me, but I will keep remembering him.