Salaam dudes and dudettes... I hope you're all good. I feel rather bored on here, feel like changing the blog design again, but this one looks so neat!
Anyways... Anyone know anyone who is a marriage mentor?
P.s. I gave 'My 1st Prospect' a name- ZAHID. I don't know where it came from but it means devotee, religious or something along them lines. Jst thought I should add an identity lol, although it is not his real name ofcourse.
Oh wait I could have called him Yusuf, I love that name.
My days have not been that busy buuut my mornings up to early afternoon are soo gay!!
wake up- housework- housework-housework- cook- cook- tidy- roti- clear up- ughh its so tedious and repetitive and drains all the enrgy out of me!
Annoys me because people don't put their effort in with the tidying, and things always get so messy again!! and I cant stand mess! really wrecks my mood.
Anywho washing machine is calling me ..yaaay(!) ¬_¬
entertain me dudes I need a reason to blog more lol, where are the fans?
x
Friday, 18 June 2010
Monday, 14 June 2010
Life on Venus
I know I took a longgg time to get here. But I lost my passport and could not get into the shuttle! (I forgot my username and passowrd and couldn't log on to blogger! lol) Until yesterday when I remembered how to get in. And I am losing the commitement of going through the book and typing things up lol but no I WILL EXPLORE SPACE!
Ok into Venus we go...
First and foremost, the Venusians have different values. They value love <3, communication, beauty and relationships. They give a lot of help and support to each other and they gain a sense of self through their feelings and the quality of their relationships, through sharing and relating they gain fulfillment.
Their world is rather opposite to that of the Martians, whereas Martians love work and technology, Venusians' main concern is living in harmony and cooperation. They do not wear the outfit of competence, rather they wear outfits to express their feelings and may change several times aday because of their changing moods. Rather than achieving succss they feel it is more important to share personal feelings. Ok guys, to understand this about women you need to relate it to the feeling you have when you accomplish a goal or solve a problem.
They are very involved in personal growth and everything that can nurture life, they are very intuitive and a sign of great love is to offer help when another Venusian is in need of it. Offering help to Venusians from Venusians is not seen as offensive because they dont need to prove their competence, and asking for help or needing help is not seen as a sign of weakness.
However when a woman offers advice to a man, he may feel offended because he will think she is doubting him or not trusting his baility to be able to do things by himself and may make him feel incompetent and weak. But when a man offers his advice to her, she likes it because it makes her feel loved and cherished. Offering advice is seen as an act of love and Venusians like to point out things that can be improved because improving things is in their nature and they believe if something is working it can always work better. However on Mars, as everything is solution-orientated, Martians believe if something is working then don't change it- 'Don't fix it unless it is broken'
This Mars motto means that if a woman tries to improve a man, he will feel like she is trying to fix him! = 'am I broken??? I am broken?? :S no I am not so why is she trying to fix me?'
Girls, don't try to fix him, even though our intentions are innocent and loving- we just want to help him grow, he is from another planet so your attempt to help may result in him being humiliated! Think twice.
Martians and Venusians have great attributes, but most of the time they fail to use them correctly with the correct timing and correct approach. Men need to be aware that if a woman is babbling on about her problems and everything from A-Z YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FIX THEM ALL...just listen. She is not solution orientated like a man, so if you offer lots and lots of solutions and yet she still keeps talking about her problems, don't worry, she doesn't necessarily need the solutions, all she needs is your ears! She doesn't need to be fixed and will most likely get better on her own.
And women, unecessary soliciting should be avoided, especially if he has made a mistake. It will make him feel un-loved and controlled. He needs your acceptance more than your adivce to make him learn from his mistakes. e.g.
1- Venusian- 'Oh look what you've done! Why did you do this you should have done this like this and not like that! Next time do this like that and that like this and this wont happen again! I already told you before'= Martian 'what's wrong with you woman! I know what I'm doing, stop nagging me!'
2- Venusian- 'Oh no, you've done it again. Never mind it's fine we can sort it out later, thes things happen'= Martian 'aw I'm sorry dear, next time I know what to do'
A bit extreme examples but you get the picture. Last point-
A woman does appreciate Mr. Fix-it, as long as he doesn't come out when she is upset. And a man does greatly appreciate the suggestions of improvement from a woman but as long as it is requested.
In the next post we will look at what happens when a Martian and Venusian reject the percieved sign of love and care from the other. (Rejecting the advice and rejecting the imrpovement)
Ok into Venus we go...
First and foremost, the Venusians have different values. They value love <3, communication, beauty and relationships. They give a lot of help and support to each other and they gain a sense of self through their feelings and the quality of their relationships, through sharing and relating they gain fulfillment.
Their world is rather opposite to that of the Martians, whereas Martians love work and technology, Venusians' main concern is living in harmony and cooperation. They do not wear the outfit of competence, rather they wear outfits to express their feelings and may change several times aday because of their changing moods. Rather than achieving succss they feel it is more important to share personal feelings. Ok guys, to understand this about women you need to relate it to the feeling you have when you accomplish a goal or solve a problem.
They are very involved in personal growth and everything that can nurture life, they are very intuitive and a sign of great love is to offer help when another Venusian is in need of it. Offering help to Venusians from Venusians is not seen as offensive because they dont need to prove their competence, and asking for help or needing help is not seen as a sign of weakness.
However when a woman offers advice to a man, he may feel offended because he will think she is doubting him or not trusting his baility to be able to do things by himself and may make him feel incompetent and weak. But when a man offers his advice to her, she likes it because it makes her feel loved and cherished. Offering advice is seen as an act of love and Venusians like to point out things that can be improved because improving things is in their nature and they believe if something is working it can always work better. However on Mars, as everything is solution-orientated, Martians believe if something is working then don't change it- 'Don't fix it unless it is broken'
This Mars motto means that if a woman tries to improve a man, he will feel like she is trying to fix him! = 'am I broken??? I am broken?? :S no I am not so why is she trying to fix me?'
Girls, don't try to fix him, even though our intentions are innocent and loving- we just want to help him grow, he is from another planet so your attempt to help may result in him being humiliated! Think twice.
Martians and Venusians have great attributes, but most of the time they fail to use them correctly with the correct timing and correct approach. Men need to be aware that if a woman is babbling on about her problems and everything from A-Z YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FIX THEM ALL...just listen. She is not solution orientated like a man, so if you offer lots and lots of solutions and yet she still keeps talking about her problems, don't worry, she doesn't necessarily need the solutions, all she needs is your ears! She doesn't need to be fixed and will most likely get better on her own.
And women, unecessary soliciting should be avoided, especially if he has made a mistake. It will make him feel un-loved and controlled. He needs your acceptance more than your adivce to make him learn from his mistakes. e.g.
1- Venusian- 'Oh look what you've done! Why did you do this you should have done this like this and not like that! Next time do this like that and that like this and this wont happen again! I already told you before'= Martian 'what's wrong with you woman! I know what I'm doing, stop nagging me!'
2- Venusian- 'Oh no, you've done it again. Never mind it's fine we can sort it out later, thes things happen'= Martian 'aw I'm sorry dear, next time I know what to do'
A bit extreme examples but you get the picture. Last point-
A woman does appreciate Mr. Fix-it, as long as he doesn't come out when she is upset. And a man does greatly appreciate the suggestions of improvement from a woman but as long as it is requested.
In the next post we will look at what happens when a Martian and Venusian reject the percieved sign of love and care from the other. (Rejecting the advice and rejecting the imrpovement)
Saturday, 5 June 2010
Life on Mars
Hey there :) Ok so I could have typed this post earlier becuase I had already read the 1st couple of chapters!
The 1st chapter gives summaries of the other chapters in the book and basically says that Men and Women clearly have differences, different thoughts, values, behaviours, emotions and different ways of expressing emotions and dealing with situations.
Men expect women to think, communicate and react the way they do and women expect men to feel, communicate and respond the way that women do. This results in conflict. All you have to remember is that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.Be aware of the differences, take time to understand each other so you may respect each other. And don't become demanding, resentful, intolerant and judgemental.
'When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom'
Women always complain that men don't listen, men complain that women are always trying to change them. A women wants empathy, he thinks she wants solutions. A man wants acceptance, but women persist in trying to 'help' them and then the man feels like he is being controlled. We need to understand why men offer solutions and women why women seek to improve.
Lets go meet the Martians!
They value power, competency, efficiency and achievment. Thier sense of self is defined through the ability to achieve results and accomplishment. While women fantasize about romance men fantasize about fast cars and poweful technology. They are pre-occupied with things that help them express power by achieving their goals. Achieving goals is veyr important to them because it shows their competence and makes them feel good about themselves. No one else can achieve for him so they pride themselves in doing things by themselves. If women understand this about Martians they should understand why they resist being corrected or being told what to do. The issue of competence is very important, so if a woman comes along and starts telling the man 'oh do this like this do that like that' and giving unsolicited advice, it's like they are presuming that he can't do it on his own.
Because they handle problems themselves, they don't really talk about their problems unless its an urgency. Asking for help when you can do it yourself is seen as a sign of weakness. However when they do need to ask for advice then it is a sign of wisdom. They will find someone they respect, and the other Martian will then feel honoured, get into his Mr Fix-it suit and offer some gems of advice.
When a women starts talking about her feelings and the problems in her day and every other problem she has, a man thinks 'oh she needs advice' and gets into the Mr Fit-it suit and shows his love and willingness to help by offering advice.
He wants to help, he wants to be useful, be worthy of value and thus worthy of love from her, and hence offers advice. BUT... women just talk and talk, and the poor Martian is bombarded with these problems one after another even when he has offered a solution! If the Venusian is still upset (as women tend to grab every problem once they get started!) he will find it difficult to listen becuase he will think that she keeps talking about the problems because his advice was not good and therefore he thinks 'she's rejecting my advice!' and his Mr Fix-it suit gets stained as he feels he is not able to help. However, all he needs to know is-
just by listening with interest and empathy he can be supportive. She doesn't necessarily require solutions, but rather just someone to listen. Most Martians fail to note that when a Venusian is talking about a problem it is not an invitation to offer a solution.
In the next post we will travel to Venus.
The 1st chapter gives summaries of the other chapters in the book and basically says that Men and Women clearly have differences, different thoughts, values, behaviours, emotions and different ways of expressing emotions and dealing with situations.
Men expect women to think, communicate and react the way they do and women expect men to feel, communicate and respond the way that women do. This results in conflict. All you have to remember is that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.Be aware of the differences, take time to understand each other so you may respect each other. And don't become demanding, resentful, intolerant and judgemental.
'When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom'
Women always complain that men don't listen, men complain that women are always trying to change them. A women wants empathy, he thinks she wants solutions. A man wants acceptance, but women persist in trying to 'help' them and then the man feels like he is being controlled. We need to understand why men offer solutions and women why women seek to improve.
Lets go meet the Martians!
They value power, competency, efficiency and achievment. Thier sense of self is defined through the ability to achieve results and accomplishment. While women fantasize about romance men fantasize about fast cars and poweful technology. They are pre-occupied with things that help them express power by achieving their goals. Achieving goals is veyr important to them because it shows their competence and makes them feel good about themselves. No one else can achieve for him so they pride themselves in doing things by themselves. If women understand this about Martians they should understand why they resist being corrected or being told what to do. The issue of competence is very important, so if a woman comes along and starts telling the man 'oh do this like this do that like that' and giving unsolicited advice, it's like they are presuming that he can't do it on his own.
Because they handle problems themselves, they don't really talk about their problems unless its an urgency. Asking for help when you can do it yourself is seen as a sign of weakness. However when they do need to ask for advice then it is a sign of wisdom. They will find someone they respect, and the other Martian will then feel honoured, get into his Mr Fix-it suit and offer some gems of advice.
When a women starts talking about her feelings and the problems in her day and every other problem she has, a man thinks 'oh she needs advice' and gets into the Mr Fit-it suit and shows his love and willingness to help by offering advice.
He wants to help, he wants to be useful, be worthy of value and thus worthy of love from her, and hence offers advice. BUT... women just talk and talk, and the poor Martian is bombarded with these problems one after another even when he has offered a solution! If the Venusian is still upset (as women tend to grab every problem once they get started!) he will find it difficult to listen becuase he will think that she keeps talking about the problems because his advice was not good and therefore he thinks 'she's rejecting my advice!' and his Mr Fix-it suit gets stained as he feels he is not able to help. However, all he needs to know is-
just by listening with interest and empathy he can be supportive. She doesn't necessarily require solutions, but rather just someone to listen. Most Martians fail to note that when a Venusian is talking about a problem it is not an invitation to offer a solution.
In the next post we will travel to Venus.
Friday, 28 May 2010
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
I hope you are well. With my last exam dawning, and the holidays peeking over the horizon, I've decided to make use of my time in many ways that can benefit me as well as others, on the internet and inside the home as well as outside in the community.
Everyone must have heard of the book by John Gray: Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus; A Practical Guide For Improving Communication and Getting What You Want In Your Relationship.
If you've read it then thats great, if not then thats not so great :P (I'm in the middle of reading it, but I wil start again from the start instead of jumping thorugh chpaters). Anyways, either way, you can read summaries and important points from the Chapters (and maybe even whole chapters!) on my blog, for the next few weeks. (This week will be slow because of my exam and other work but it will be done)
It will really benefit people. It covers a lot of aspects and really conveys clear messages and tips and advice, a 'much needed book' 'valueable' 'a superb guide' and 'a fascinating book that offers hope and insight into having a whole and healed relationship'
I read a couple of chapters and was really in there! Even put what I read into practice and it works wonders lol.
Until next time folks- Peace out
Watch this space ^_^
x
Monday, 17 May 2010
Defence of Faith
Asalaamulaikum. Here's the notes on the lecture about how we need to be doing A LOT more than we are doing now, (I alluded to it in comment on a previous post)
You are never too young to achieve, influence and make an impact
The perception that people had about life in the past motivated them and pushed them to do more with the time they had.
Today, we relax, thinking we have many years.
In the past, education didn't follow a standard, time- dependent, education system. The lack of heirachies made people believe that they are not restricted, and why should we be? Now, people believe we can't do certain things until a certain time, we are somewhat conditioned to follow the system and this leads us to limit ourselves. For example, we don't read University books until we are at that age or at that level, but why wait til that age, what is stopping us? this is one of many examples and it has a negative impact on heroism.
Roots of Greatness Come From Within You
If we look at A'isha (radiallahu anha), she learnt to read and write, she learnt medicine, through her own incentive. And look at what a great woman she became, alhamdulillah. Age was not relevant, for any of the sahabah, as long as they could achieve and survive. Their lives were short, they had no standardized cirriculum and this lead to early achievement
Even from this small example we should realize, if we want to do something, just do it. Especially nowadays, we have so many resources available to us but even still we don't make full use of them. No one but ourselves is losing out.
Be Busy
Keep yourself away from distractions and increase responsibility.
Discover your talents, your abilities and be yourself
The Prophet (salallahu 'alaihi wasallam) had a great way of talking to his companions, he would talk to them within their limits, he knew their strengths and encouraged them to fulfill their potential.
For example: Amr Ibn Al-'Aas, who converted to Islam 2 years before the Prophet's death, was asked to lead the battle (Muslim conquest of Egypt) and lead those who had been Muslim all their lives.
He asked who the Prophet loved most, and was told that even though he may not be number one to him, he is number one on the field. He realised his talent. Even if others questioned his position, the Prophet new best.
So even if others are doubtful, don't doubt yourself and do not lower the limits on yourself, everyone has great potential and if you know your potential, use it. Identify and compete, not with others but with yourself and your potential, if you are good then be better. Stick to your own abilities but draw benefits from others. And don't direct your aim to strengthening your weak points but rather spend time working on and building up on your strong points.
But remember talent is not enough, you need things alongisde it such as patience, perseverance, discpiline. With these, you will achieve. InshaAllah.
Be ambitious and set your bar high
(from lecture by Hesham Al-Awadi)
You are never too young to achieve, influence and make an impact
The perception that people had about life in the past motivated them and pushed them to do more with the time they had.
Today, we relax, thinking we have many years.
In the past, education didn't follow a standard, time- dependent, education system. The lack of heirachies made people believe that they are not restricted, and why should we be? Now, people believe we can't do certain things until a certain time, we are somewhat conditioned to follow the system and this leads us to limit ourselves. For example, we don't read University books until we are at that age or at that level, but why wait til that age, what is stopping us? this is one of many examples and it has a negative impact on heroism.
Roots of Greatness Come From Within You
If we look at A'isha (radiallahu anha), she learnt to read and write, she learnt medicine, through her own incentive. And look at what a great woman she became, alhamdulillah. Age was not relevant, for any of the sahabah, as long as they could achieve and survive. Their lives were short, they had no standardized cirriculum and this lead to early achievement
Even from this small example we should realize, if we want to do something, just do it. Especially nowadays, we have so many resources available to us but even still we don't make full use of them. No one but ourselves is losing out.
Be Busy
Keep yourself away from distractions and increase responsibility.
Discover your talents, your abilities and be yourself
The Prophet (salallahu 'alaihi wasallam) had a great way of talking to his companions, he would talk to them within their limits, he knew their strengths and encouraged them to fulfill their potential.
For example: Amr Ibn Al-'Aas, who converted to Islam 2 years before the Prophet's death, was asked to lead the battle (Muslim conquest of Egypt) and lead those who had been Muslim all their lives.
He asked who the Prophet loved most, and was told that even though he may not be number one to him, he is number one on the field. He realised his talent. Even if others questioned his position, the Prophet new best.
So even if others are doubtful, don't doubt yourself and do not lower the limits on yourself, everyone has great potential and if you know your potential, use it. Identify and compete, not with others but with yourself and your potential, if you are good then be better. Stick to your own abilities but draw benefits from others. And don't direct your aim to strengthening your weak points but rather spend time working on and building up on your strong points.
But remember talent is not enough, you need things alongisde it such as patience, perseverance, discpiline. With these, you will achieve. InshaAllah.
Be ambitious and set your bar high
(from lecture by Hesham Al-Awadi)
Saturday, 15 May 2010
I can be anywhere do anything and be mindful of God...
Asalaamulaikum :)
I am a very happy chappy today alhamdulillah (well now I am, I'm not sure how I was during the day lol) anywho... I went to see my cousin in hospital, on the way there, when I was walking toward the hospital I saw a brother walking toward me (so the opposite way) I just looked once and tried to restrain myself because ofcourse second look is sinful and he looked religious, islamic clothing, and a beard, (can't be too sure about his religiousness but what is built up inwardly, usually manifests itself outwardly). I passed him and thought...'hmm I need to meet my husband soon lol hope he looks like that'.. na anyways that weren't the point of this post.
You know on the way back from the hospital, I saw alot of things that really made me think and reflect.
I saw this Asian guy, Bengali or Pakistani, walking and holding hands with a non-Muslim.
I'm not sure if he was Muslim but most likely was, can't help to think I'm so blessed to be guided. But it pains me to see the the Muslims doing what they are doing, indulging in the dunya, following their desires and forgetting who they are or what they are here for :( May Allah guide them and guide us. Ameen
And I saw girls, going out for their saturday night partying, clubbing, with their their hair and faces done and walking the streets in their little dresses and skirts, half naked...and the first thing I thought was 'it must be so hard for my brothers'.
Ofcourse its a sin to look at unlawful things, and you have to control your desires, but these people make it soooo hard for you (brothers).. Especially now summer is coming and the littlest bit of sunshine and everyones clothes come off! Astaghfirullah. Its hard to lower the gaze as it is but when people are dressed like that its 100 times harder, like for the sisters, the guys who walk around with no tops on, showing off their arms and their pacs!
Trials are everywhere, we have to be sooo careful and ALWAYS remember Allah is watching, the harder your struggle the greater the blessing. So keep striving for Allah's pleasure and stay away from places where it may make your situations much harder. But brothers, I do feel for you. Why can't these girls have abit of self-respect and modesty. Would make things so much easier for you lot. May Allah give you the strength to stay firm on the deen. Ameen
Last thing I'm going to touch on-
Ok so I was almost home, there were a few men, sorta young, probably drunk, walking down the road, me and mum went past and one of them just shouts 'Oi seexxxy!!' I was thinking 'wut? My mom?' lool joking.. I was so embarrassed, uneasy, I tried to pretend I heard nothing and just quickly got in the house. These people scare me.
Even at the hospital, I was in the day room place with my lil cousin and we had the tv on and a man came in and looked at us, stood there for a while watching the tv and then left. And then he came back and sat down next to me (there were other seats)...And I felt kinda uncomfortable. I know he was just a normal man sitting down but I still felt sort of like 'umm uh oh'..
Hmm... look all around you, doesn't it feel like a prison? The whole world as well as our own areas. Fear and injustice everywhere, so much sin all around us, so hard to be who we are. But I am greatly thankful that I am a Muslim, gives me the peace, and the community makes me feel safe and its a lovely warm feeling, so blessed. Alhamdulillah. :)
I'de like to end with a few lines from this song:
I wont cry over a world that can't change my life I put my money on what lies ahead in paradise
(A land called Paradise: Kareem Salama)
I am a very happy chappy today alhamdulillah (well now I am, I'm not sure how I was during the day lol) anywho... I went to see my cousin in hospital, on the way there, when I was walking toward the hospital I saw a brother walking toward me (so the opposite way) I just looked once and tried to restrain myself because ofcourse second look is sinful and he looked religious, islamic clothing, and a beard, (can't be too sure about his religiousness but what is built up inwardly, usually manifests itself outwardly). I passed him and thought...'hmm I need to meet my husband soon lol hope he looks like that'.. na anyways that weren't the point of this post.
You know on the way back from the hospital, I saw alot of things that really made me think and reflect.
I saw this Asian guy, Bengali or Pakistani, walking and holding hands with a non-Muslim.
I'm not sure if he was Muslim but most likely was, can't help to think I'm so blessed to be guided. But it pains me to see the the Muslims doing what they are doing, indulging in the dunya, following their desires and forgetting who they are or what they are here for :( May Allah guide them and guide us. Ameen
And I saw girls, going out for their saturday night partying, clubbing, with their their hair and faces done and walking the streets in their little dresses and skirts, half naked...and the first thing I thought was 'it must be so hard for my brothers'.
Ofcourse its a sin to look at unlawful things, and you have to control your desires, but these people make it soooo hard for you (brothers).. Especially now summer is coming and the littlest bit of sunshine and everyones clothes come off! Astaghfirullah. Its hard to lower the gaze as it is but when people are dressed like that its 100 times harder, like for the sisters, the guys who walk around with no tops on, showing off their arms and their pacs!
Trials are everywhere, we have to be sooo careful and ALWAYS remember Allah is watching, the harder your struggle the greater the blessing. So keep striving for Allah's pleasure and stay away from places where it may make your situations much harder. But brothers, I do feel for you. Why can't these girls have abit of self-respect and modesty. Would make things so much easier for you lot. May Allah give you the strength to stay firm on the deen. Ameen
Last thing I'm going to touch on-
Ok so I was almost home, there were a few men, sorta young, probably drunk, walking down the road, me and mum went past and one of them just shouts 'Oi seexxxy!!' I was thinking 'wut? My mom?' lool joking.. I was so embarrassed, uneasy, I tried to pretend I heard nothing and just quickly got in the house. These people scare me.
Even at the hospital, I was in the day room place with my lil cousin and we had the tv on and a man came in and looked at us, stood there for a while watching the tv and then left. And then he came back and sat down next to me (there were other seats)...And I felt kinda uncomfortable. I know he was just a normal man sitting down but I still felt sort of like 'umm uh oh'..
Hmm... look all around you, doesn't it feel like a prison? The whole world as well as our own areas. Fear and injustice everywhere, so much sin all around us, so hard to be who we are. But I am greatly thankful that I am a Muslim, gives me the peace, and the community makes me feel safe and its a lovely warm feeling, so blessed. Alhamdulillah. :)
I'de like to end with a few lines from this song:
I wont cry over a world that can't change my life I put my money on what lies ahead in paradise
(A land called Paradise: Kareem Salama)
Friday, 7 May 2010
Completeness
Guys are my weakness!
I say it so bluntly because there is no point denying or trying to distance the fact, I know it, Allah knows it so who cares if someone else knows it eh lol... I know my weaknesses and I like other people to tell me if I have any bad characteristics and to criticise me (gently lol) we can't imrpove if we don't know what to imrpove on.
Anyways...bit more to the point of this post-
I use to feel like I'm incomplete; like my deen, my behavior and my personality are lacking something. I felt like..maybe if I have someone (as in, a husband) I'd be complete. That I'd be a whole lot better and that this weakness would then be my strength.
I use to be close to one guy then another guy (not relationship, just friendship but with slight feelings) and I felt like I had that support and 'love' but when there was no guy I felt quite empty and like I just needed a partner. But I'm glad I left guys because that emptyness that was there, it wasnt there to be filled with a guy's love it was there to be filled with love for Allah.
SubhanAllah, as soon as I stood on my own two feet, I really connected with Allah, I turned to Him for everything and talked to Him all the time and tried my best to do everything to make Him happy and my life and my self felt soooo complete I can't even explain. My Deeny-ness increased, my behaviour and personality got moulded into that of a proper Muslimah. My weakness with guys turned into my strength with my Lord. It filled the gaping hole of incompleteness in my heart to a state of overwhelming wholeness.
And it is in this state of completeness that one should go into marriage. That way you are always full of love, and your not leaning on the partner so much that they will snap, and even if things go a bit pear-shaped from time to time, your heart will still feel complete because you will always have Allah with you.
Once we have gained this completeness, marriage will be much easier inshaAllah.
On a different note, as soon as your around 21/22 (for girls) it's like your the bait on the fishing line, parents finding rishta's (potential partners), other parents looking for partners for their sons, all fishing around while hardly any ask us what WE want. Maybe I'm generalising too much but it's what I feel.
I personally think we shouldn't have to wait til a certain age, the Prophet (peace be upon him) encouraged us to marry young. If more people did this, instead of getting influenced by modernism, there would be less illegal sexual relations, less zina, less kids going behind their parents backs and sinning infront of Allah because the need for companionship and intimacy would be fulfilled when it arised.
I feel like parents don't even talk to their kids about marriage as much as they should, in the way that they should. The most my mum has said to me is (to keep it simple) 'your cousin is a nice boy, you should marry him, he will be good in the family'... Obviously no girl from the west is going to want to marry their freshie cousin. I know parents are more wise and stuff but a lot of us teens aren't exactly dumb. We know what to look for in our potential spouse. And those who are more into their religion will sometimes know more than the parents.
For example is it wrong for me to not have a Mendhi? Is it wrong for me to not want to change my name after marriage? Is it wrong for me to want a small marriage in a masjid? I know our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) has told us smaller marriages gain more blessing, and none of his wives had a mendhi did they. All I want is to follow the Qur'an and Sunnah as much as I can, especially when starting a new chapter in my life. But my family seems to think they know better. Especially mum and older sis! They look at me like I'm speaking a loud of nonsense :S
I know I'm going on a bit but it's an interesting topic lol.
When me my sis and mates are talking about marriage, I tell them- marriage should not be our goal, it is just a means of getting closer to Allah. And I tell them I can't wait to get married, not just because I'll have someone there but because I can focus on everything properly, especially religion. All I have to do is keep the guy happy :) lol (easier said than done ofcourse)
But ye, I want to do alot in life and the only way I can is if my husband is someone like-minded so he can help me fufill my dreams as well as succeeding at his own.. inshaAllah... And what is most important is the joining of two complete hearts, supporting each other on the right path.
I say it so bluntly because there is no point denying or trying to distance the fact, I know it, Allah knows it so who cares if someone else knows it eh lol... I know my weaknesses and I like other people to tell me if I have any bad characteristics and to criticise me (gently lol) we can't imrpove if we don't know what to imrpove on.
Anyways...bit more to the point of this post-
I use to feel like I'm incomplete; like my deen, my behavior and my personality are lacking something. I felt like..maybe if I have someone (as in, a husband) I'd be complete. That I'd be a whole lot better and that this weakness would then be my strength.
I use to be close to one guy then another guy (not relationship, just friendship but with slight feelings) and I felt like I had that support and 'love' but when there was no guy I felt quite empty and like I just needed a partner. But I'm glad I left guys because that emptyness that was there, it wasnt there to be filled with a guy's love it was there to be filled with love for Allah.
SubhanAllah, as soon as I stood on my own two feet, I really connected with Allah, I turned to Him for everything and talked to Him all the time and tried my best to do everything to make Him happy and my life and my self felt soooo complete I can't even explain. My Deeny-ness increased, my behaviour and personality got moulded into that of a proper Muslimah. My weakness with guys turned into my strength with my Lord. It filled the gaping hole of incompleteness in my heart to a state of overwhelming wholeness.
And it is in this state of completeness that one should go into marriage. That way you are always full of love, and your not leaning on the partner so much that they will snap, and even if things go a bit pear-shaped from time to time, your heart will still feel complete because you will always have Allah with you.
Once we have gained this completeness, marriage will be much easier inshaAllah.
On a different note, as soon as your around 21/22 (for girls) it's like your the bait on the fishing line, parents finding rishta's (potential partners), other parents looking for partners for their sons, all fishing around while hardly any ask us what WE want. Maybe I'm generalising too much but it's what I feel.
I personally think we shouldn't have to wait til a certain age, the Prophet (peace be upon him) encouraged us to marry young. If more people did this, instead of getting influenced by modernism, there would be less illegal sexual relations, less zina, less kids going behind their parents backs and sinning infront of Allah because the need for companionship and intimacy would be fulfilled when it arised.
I feel like parents don't even talk to their kids about marriage as much as they should, in the way that they should. The most my mum has said to me is (to keep it simple) 'your cousin is a nice boy, you should marry him, he will be good in the family'... Obviously no girl from the west is going to want to marry their freshie cousin. I know parents are more wise and stuff but a lot of us teens aren't exactly dumb. We know what to look for in our potential spouse. And those who are more into their religion will sometimes know more than the parents.
For example is it wrong for me to not have a Mendhi? Is it wrong for me to not want to change my name after marriage? Is it wrong for me to want a small marriage in a masjid? I know our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him) has told us smaller marriages gain more blessing, and none of his wives had a mendhi did they. All I want is to follow the Qur'an and Sunnah as much as I can, especially when starting a new chapter in my life. But my family seems to think they know better. Especially mum and older sis! They look at me like I'm speaking a loud of nonsense :S
I know I'm going on a bit but it's an interesting topic lol.
When me my sis and mates are talking about marriage, I tell them- marriage should not be our goal, it is just a means of getting closer to Allah. And I tell them I can't wait to get married, not just because I'll have someone there but because I can focus on everything properly, especially religion. All I have to do is keep the guy happy :) lol (easier said than done ofcourse)
But ye, I want to do alot in life and the only way I can is if my husband is someone like-minded so he can help me fufill my dreams as well as succeeding at his own.. inshaAllah... And what is most important is the joining of two complete hearts, supporting each other on the right path.
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